Profound Insights and Practical Guidance for Leading a Good Life
EPISODE 224
"The Four Agreements" is a bestselling self-help book by Don Miguel Ruiz. It draws on ancient Toltec wisdom to present four guiding principles for transforming one's life and creating personal freedom.
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The agreements are as follows:
1. Be impeccable with your word: This agreement emphasizes the power of language and the importance of using it with integrity. Being impeccable with your word means speaking truthfully and avoiding gossip, lies, and negative self-talk. By choosing your words wisely, you can cultivate trust, strengthen relationships, and positively impact yourself and others.
2. Don't take anything personally: This agreement encourages individuals to recognize that other people's actions and words reflect their perceptions and beliefs rather than a personal attack on oneself. By not taking things personally, you can detach from the opinions and judgments of others, freeing yourself from unnecessary suffering and emotional turmoil.
3. Don't make assumptions: This agreement highlights the dangers of making assumptions and jumping to conclusions without seeking clarification. It reminds us that assumptions are often based on limited information and can lead to misunderstandings, conflict, and unnecessary suffering. You can improve communication and avoid unnecessary conflicts by asking questions and seeking clarity.
4. Always do your best: The fourth agreement encourages individuals to give their best effort in everything they do. It acknowledges that your best may vary from moment to moment, depending on circumstances, but the key is always striving for personal excellence. Doing your best can avoid self-judgment, regret, and self-criticism, leading to a sense of accomplishment and inner satisfaction.
These agreements are presented as principles for personal transformation and achieving personal freedom. They provide practical guidance for living a good life by promoting positive communication, emotional detachment, mindfulness, and personal accountability. By incorporating these agreements into your daily life, you can cultivate healthier relationships, improve self-esteem, reduce unnecessary suffering, and live authentically.
"The Four Agreements" helps live a good life by offering a roadmap for personal transformation and inner peace. By following these agreements, individuals can break free from self-limiting beliefs, destructive habits, and societal conditioning. The book provides practical tools and wisdom to navigate challenging situations, improve communication, and cultivate a positive mindset.
Moreover, the agreements encourage individuals to take responsibility for their happiness and well-being. They empower readers to create positive change by shifting their perspectives, transforming their relationships, and embracing personal growth. By incorporating these principles, individuals can cultivate authenticity, inner peace, and a deeper sense of fulfillment.
Overall, "The Four Agreements" offers profound insights and practical guidance for leading a good life by promoting personal freedom, emotional well-being, and conscious living. It provides a framework for transforming one's beliefs, behaviors, and relationships, leading to a more fulfilling and authentic existence.
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Transcript
Mike Parsons: [00:00:00] Hello and welcome to the Moonshots Podcast. It's episode 224. I'm your co-host Mike Parsons, and as always, I'm joined by the man himself, Mr. Mark Pearson. Freeland. Good morning, mark.
Mark Pearson Freeland: Good morning, Mike. Good morning, listeners, members, subscribers, and viewers for a brand new version of the Moonshot Podcast today.
Mike Parsons: It's pretty groovy, isn't it? Mark? We have decided to take one of the all-time classics, moonshots books. We've decided to reimagine, reinvent ourselves, and actually record in video. This is crazy, crazy. So if you are listening to this on Spotify, Or Apple Podcasts. The good news is you don't have to look at us, but for the daring few, mark shall we say, they can head over to YouTube and they can see a [00:01:00] video version of this podcast.
And we're just excited to get your feedback and also we're very excited to get your thoughts on one of our most popular and one of our most favorite superstars on the show right
Mark Pearson Freeland: now. That's right. We are diving into Don Miguel Rees and his book The Four Agreements, which is all about wisdom. As you might remember, Mike and listeners and subscribers we're in a good thinking series.
We topped off Michael a Singers the Untethered Soul last week, and now we're getting into the Four Agreements, which has really been a substantial bestseller. Mike. You know, this has been in the New York Times bestseller list for 10 years. It's sold 10 million copies and it continually maintains quite a presence and prevalence over a lot of, let's call them self-help and good thinking books.
And I think there's a reason for that. It, and as a, we're gonna find out on today's podcast, not trying to give too much away at this [00:02:00] early point, are some of these rules and guidances that. You know, we do run into every so often with some other individuals, and it's amazing to see how much crossover we really have.
With some of our moonshots
Mike Parsons: legends, isn't it? Totally like, um, I think Dom Miguel does this amazing job of taking the complexity of life Mark, and gives us four simple rules to follow. And we love a good bunch of rules. Like think about how much, uh, Jordan Peterson's, uh, 10 Rules for Life, um, sort of takes sort of the mystery of life.
And, and as David Goggin says, The greatest competitor we're ever gonna face is life itself, right? It's always gonna trip us up. It's always gonna present new challenges. So we need some sort of executive summary, if you will. Some guidelines, some thoughts, hopefully some inspiration, and some [00:03:00] practical ways to deal with the crazy stuff.
Mark, I'm always amazed at how life is. Capable of producing surprise and unexpected. Even in my 47 years, I'm still like, oh my gosh, this is tripping me up again. So you need these kind of tools, don't you, mark? You need the Dom Miguels of
Mark Pearson Freeland: life. Yeah. I think as we're gonna uncover throughout this episode today, We have a couple of favorite individuals, don't we, that have given us some rules, some laws even, or guidance around how to live your life and be that, that best version or most efficient or most patient version of yourself.
And I think it's really handy actually, Mike, when we do have these individuals, some of them are authors, some of them are spiritual leaders, some of them are scientists who give us this type of guidance. Because when you put [00:04:00] them all together and when you start to cross reference them, I think you're a little bit like a gold handler.
You know, you're picking up the dirt and the rocks from the bottom of the river, and as you shake them out, The ones that are repeated a few times, I start to see them as these shining nuggets of, of wisdom that you can't really avoid. And I think these four agreements from Don Miguelas are four pieces of gold, aren't they?
Yeah. And a lot of the others have started saying too.
Mike Parsons: You're absolutely right. Like whether we talk Brene Brown, where whether we talk Elizabeth Gilbert. Or go for something totally different like Ryan Holiday or David Goggins. Not only do you, and I find myself recommending these books all the time, but what the crazy thing is, mark, is what we have deduced from 224 podcasts is there's a pattern and it seems to us that there is evidence that [00:05:00] people who do achieve.
Being the very best version of themselves, have a formula. There's some success habits, and we're very lucky today to have someone like Don McGuire who wrote The Four Agreements and has given us four of them biggest themes that we've ever seen. When we talk about what it takes to conquer the battle, to live the best version of your life.
So, Mark. With that, I think we need to jump into our very first clip. So why don't you tee it up and fire away for the first of the four agreements from Don McGuire.
Mark Pearson Freeland: Absolutely. Well, look, I'm not gonna reveal too much because in this special version and new edition of the moon structure, we're actually gonna see the individual speaking on screen for us, however, Setting us up a little bit to get our taste buds, uh, salivating, we're gonna hear from Don Miguel Res, as well as Oprah kick us off with the first agreement of all, which could [00:06:00] be the most important, and that's being impeccable with your word.
Oprah: So let's talk about the first agreement. Be impeccable with your word. Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy. It means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself. If you make an agreement with yourself to be impeccable with your word, just with that intention alone, the truth will manifest through you and clean all the emotional poison that exists within you.
If you just did that one,
Don Miguel Ruis: it's enough to everything would change. Yes, EV. It is enough to live your life in heaven. We can say in that way.
Oprah: Yeah. You know, I was thinking about that this morning. And because I knew I was gonna be talking to you, it was one of the reasons. Mm-hmm. I was late and the whole day got mm-hmm.
Is because I had said to myself, I'm going to work out 30 minutes. Then I got on the treadmill and I realized, well maybe I won't make it 30. And you, this is what I know, and I know many of you have done that this too, who are listening to us in different places in the world. You are far more impeccable. I [00:07:00] find this for myself.
I'm far more impeccable. When it comes to other people than I am to myself. If I tell somebody I'm going to do something for them, I show up. I do it no matter what. If I tell myself, oh, I'm gonna work out. I'm not going to eat that thing, I'm not gonna do that anymore. I, I am not as impeccable with myself.
And that's why this is such a powerful one, cuz if you are impeccable with yourself, everything changes. Yes,
Don Miguel Ruis: we can say that. Whatever we want to change. First we need to start with ourselves. Yep. We cannot give what we don't have.
Oprah: No, we cannot. Mm-hmm. So is that the most important one of the Ford, do you think?
Oh,
Don Miguel Ruis: definitely. Mm-hmm. Definitely being impeccable with your work. Yes. Because that represent you to be impeccable with. The word is even much more that just do what you say you will do. It's more than that. Much more than that. Yes. You just change yourself and just like magic, everything is start changing [00:08:00] around you.
Mike Parsons: Mark, uh, listen, what a, what an interesting twist, right? Because we, when we talk about. Hey, you have to like keep your word and it's often about you to others, right? Mm. But here's the interesting turn of events. What we learned from Doo, from Oprah, or someone like David Goggins. Is that the true battle is to set your own goals and to be unrelenting with yourself.
Don't compromise to yourself. Oprah said it great. Then she's like, oh, look, I'm great at turning up for others. But you know, I'm jumping off the treadmill pretty early when I promised myself, and I think the capacity. For us to hold ourselves accountable to ourselves is one of the greatest themes that we've discovered [00:09:00] in 224 shows.
This is what great people do. And here's the interesting thing, Oprah is admitting, hey, Even I have self-doubt even I will let myself down. Yeah. But it is the capacity to make promises to yourself, to set goals and objectives for yourself and stick to them regardless of whatever social proof, evidence or accountability you have on the outside.
You know, David Goins talks about in the end, You should not be using others as a clutch. You gotta stand on your own two feet, set your goals and get after them. You cannot rely on others to continuously help you to get there. You gotta find the will on the inside. I think this is such a huge theme, um, that [00:10:00] takes this really interesting twist.
It's not just like, make promises to others. And keep those, make promises to yourself, mark. It's like our greatest challenge is not only life, our greatest challenge is dealing with ourselves. This is crazy.
Mark Pearson Freeland: Well, it, it reminds me, Mike, of some of the lessons, the guidance, the rules that we've uncovered.
Specifically about the stoics from Ron Holiday, and I'm reminded of, um, stillness is the key, for example, and how Ron Holiday calls out the fact that. Um, with wisdom being so valuable for our minds, you know, experience and so on, influencing how we react to certain situations. What it also reveals, oh, or sorry, what I will say he reveals is how discipline.
So discipline with ourselves. Yeah. Sticking to our word, being, um, potentially ruthless, uh, with ourselves and not necessarily, uh, giving in to temptations [00:11:00] such as fight or flight and so on. The discipline actually leads to joy. Yeah, so once you cultivate that, Routine, those habits that, um, prevalence for discipline as around holiday, we put it, you start to actually become more joyous because of it.
Mm-hmm. And I'm starting to get that sense here from Don GOs. And the idea of being impeccable with your word is, you know, it brings to mind honesty, authenticity, reliability. But I think similar to where you are going, isn't it interesting that you could actually turn that mirror around and look at ourselves and say, right.
If I'm disciplined with myself, I'm gonna stick to that run that I promised I would do tomorrow morning. Right. Or I'm going to make sure I'm on time for that important meeting with a friend, family member, or colleague. Suddenly, even though it might not matter to the other individual necessarily, it might not matter as much to them.
Mm-hmm. The fact that you've done it and that you've delivered on the promise that you've [00:12:00] made almost to yourself, you feel more comfortable, you feel more, uh, As though you've delivered on that promise. Yeah. So I think that that's kind of an interesting direction that Don MCGs is taking us here, because it isn't necessarily what I think we discovered from maybe, um, a Jordan Peterson who's telling us to be impeccable with our word because of the value for others.
Instead, this one is much more looking back at us, isn't it?
Mike Parsons: It is. You know, it reminds me of this quote, which is, Hard choices, easy life, otherwise easy choices, hard
Mark Pearson Freeland: life. Yes. That idea of taking shortcuts. Yeah.
Mike Parsons: And so here's the thing, let's take your running analogy. So let's say in your mind, you've said, I'm gonna do a big run tomorrow, but you don't tell anyone.
So if you are in the duna and the snooze button is going off [00:13:00] and you're like, Ooh, ooh. If you hit snooze and maybe go for a short run. Yeah. Or maybe don't even run at all. The thing is nobody knows that you, you set that up so you can kind of, in your private universe, make some sort of excuse, oh, I had a tough week, and so forth.
Mm-hmm. This moment where you defer those hard choices. This moment where you don't hold yourself accountable. Mm-hmm. And maybe if you were with a running group, you'd go, oh, I have to go, because I told everyone I'd go, yeah. But that, that's sort of not as a higher order of accountability then when you mm-hmm.
Say to yourself, I need to do this. And you, I think you're right. Keep your word with yourself. And I guess the thing that we've also learned, A lot in the show is what do you do when you face those [00:14:00] moments when the snooze button is there and you're like, oh, shall I press it? Yeah. Um, and, and I, I honestly, I try and celebrate when I have kept my word to myself.
That's one thing. The other thing I do, Without being overly dramatic is just kind of reflect on who I want to be. And one of the best things we've talked about on the show is if you need to overcome some barriers and, and keep your word to yourself. I just find the most brutal confronting question is how do I want to be remembered?
Mm. And when that bad boy comes rolling into town, I'm like, oh boy, Mike, get outta bed. Get the running shoes on and get running it. It's
Mark Pearson Freeland: tough though, isn't it? Yeah. You know, and, and you know, in terms of actually sticking to your word, it can be a challenge unless you do reveal it to others and you are right.
That was one of the pieces of advice. I think it [00:15:00] might have been Peterson. Actually who said, tell others, not necessarily your, um, partner necessarily, who's probably gonna have your back anyway, but tell, you know, a colleague, tell a friend. Because then they can hold you accountable to going out and delivering on that promise that you've made.
Mike Parsons: Yes. Now Goggin says like, that stuff is good, but he takes it another level. Cause he basically, and this is the feeling, particularly when you listen to his audiobooks, you, he, he kind of pushes you. To an area deep inside of yourself where you don't need to even tell others what you plan to do because you feel so accountable.
It reminds me of Yoko Willink. He talks about extreme ownership, right? Problems. Good. It's on me. Good. Don't go blaming others. Take it. Just take it. I stuffed up. I made to say the outcome wasn't what I wanted and [00:16:00] I'm gonna own it. Even if their are externalities, just own it. Because I think we're a, when we are triggered with fight or flight, one of the things we do is like, oh, wasn't my fault someone else stuffed up.
Right? Yeah, always. It's so easy to do and I know that temptation I've been there. I think what we learn here is if you're going to hold yourself accountable, if you're gonna keep your word to yourself as Don mcg, Miguel would have us do. Then we just need to own it. And it's okay because the truth is everybody faces doubt.
Fear of failure. Everybody makes mistakes. It is the capacity to hold yourself accountable. Cause as soon as you do that, that gives you the energy to try more, to do it better than next time. And it surely that's what it's all about, right, man.
Mark Pearson Freeland: I think it is. I think that's exactly what it is. It's all about trying to, as he would put it, say only what you mean.
And truly try and use your word to create, you know, a, a [00:17:00] path of, uh, truth as he would say love, as well as probably authenticity with, with those around you, whether they're colleagues or whether they're family members.
Mike Parsons: And I tell you who every single month makes the biggest commitment and that is our members.
Mark. So I think you officially get to do your first video trumpet to hail tip the hat to all of our members of the Moonshots podcast. Yes.
Mark Pearson Freeland: Let me just pick up the, uh, the trumpet here, Mike. Okay. Please welcome Bob, John, Terry, Ken Dimar, Marj, and Connor and Rgo. Lisa, Sid, Mr. Bonura Paul. Cowman, David, Joe, crystal, Ivo, Christian, Sam, and Barbara, Andre, Eric, Chris and Deborah Lase.
Steve Craig and Daniel, Andrew, Ravi, Yvette, and Karen Raul, PJ Niko, Ola, Ingram, and Emily, Harry, Kath and Vanatta. Marco. Roger. Steph Ga. Anna Raw Nilan, Eric, [00:18:00] Diana, Wade, Amanda and Christoph, Denise Thereza Bolan, Laura Smitty, and Corey Andre Gala, max Buram and Daniella. Welcome to the Moonshots Show. As you can see, we do not pre-record the readouts of all of our members, and instead they are live every single time.
So as we can see more and more members joining us, That list will only get longer. So thank you very much for tuning in every single week as well as supporting Moonshot show. Yeah,
Mike Parsons: and of course, uh, as members, you are supporting us to pay for all our fancy software and hosting to produce what is now both an audio and video podcast.
So check that out. Um, head over to Moonshot Studyo, hit the big members button, and not only will you be supporting us, we give you back in return every single month. A Master series podcast that is an entirely different. Separate podcast where we summarize everything we've learned around particular topics.[00:19:00]
So everything from health to wealth and everything in between. And you get to enjoy that as a member of our show. So, mark, we, we, the, the trumpet, the brass has been blown. We have hailed all of our members. We've only done one of the four agreements. I feel like it's time to get
Mark Pearson Freeland: into the second. Think you're totally right, Mike.
Let's now go back to our friend Dongo Reyes, as well as Oprah, to dig into that second of the four agreements. This time all around not taking anything too personally.
Mike Parsons: My
Oprah: favorite of the four agreements is don't take things personally. And I know that's so hard for many people, but you say, and this really elevated my sense of, uh, consciousness, when I first realized that, oh gee, I shouldn't be taking things personally because everything is coming from whoever is judging you or making assumptions about you.
That's their point of view. Mm-hmm. That you have absolutely [00:20:00] nothing to do with. Exactly. Okay. Taking things personally, you say is the maximum expression of selfishness because we make the assumption that everything then is about me. Mm-hmm. And everything isn't about me. Everything is about whoever it is that's making the assumption Exactly.
Right.
Don Miguel Ruis: Yes. You know, the same way that you're the main character of your story, you're the main, so is everybody else. Exactly. You only secondary character in everybody else's story. It's a big
Oprah: lesson you have to learn. Mm-hmm. Particularly when you were a public figure, and I know everybody else experiences it at their own level, but when you're a public figure, and I, I, I remember years ago when Ellen DeGeneres first interviewed you for Oh, magazine, that's one of the things she was wrestling with at the time.
Mm-hmm. Because she'd just come out mm-hmm. And people were making all these judgements about her. And it's hard when you hear people say, mm-hmm. Unkind things about you, and that's what I always think. You don't even know me. Why are you saying those things? Yes. Well, they
Don Miguel Ruis: say it because there's, [00:21:00] they have nothing else to do really.
They have
Oprah: newspapers to sell. They have their own agenda. It has nothing to do with me.
Don Miguel Ruis: But if you see it, she make a big difference. Oh, yes. Hasn't she? Yes. She stand in her own truth. Stand in her own truth. Yes. The truth will not kill you. Yes. By the opposite.
Oprah: Yeah. We have a question about, uh, about this very thing, uh, not taking things personally from Cynthia, who's a customer service agent.
Cynthia, a challenging job for somebody who might take things personally, I must say. Hi,
Mike Parsons: Oprah. Hi, Dan. Miguel. My name is Cynthia. I love SuperSoul Sunday. I've been studying reading and following the four agreements for over 20 years. I work in customer service and I love what I do. Make people happy, bring light to the world.
My question is how do I not take things personally when I come across that one customer that I can't turn around who walks in the door unhappy? And no matter what I do with as much energy as I have, no matter what I do, [00:22:00] it doesn't make a difference. How can you help me?
Don Miguel Ruis: It's a, it's extremely easy, you know, she don't have the right to change anybody.
She have the right to let them know what she believes, and she's responsible for what she said. But she's not responsible for what people understand. Yeah. She don't have to make her happy. No. No. Not at all. It's nothing personal. You cannot force anyone to change really. Anything. Anything. Anything. Mm-hmm.
And we don't have the right to try to control people. You know? We need to respect, because with respect, we find peace with ourself and with everybody else.
Mike Parsons: Oh, mark, this one's a big one. Um, I think, I think I struggled with this one in life more than some of the others. I think. Um, it's very easy isn't it, to fall victim to when things happen, particularly when they're driven by [00:23:00] other people.
That we can fall into this trap of taking it as a, a personal affront. We take it as a, as a sort of a dagger in the back and that pain that costs you a lot of energy. But then of often we sort of behave, uh, let's be honest, not so great when we are feeling aggrieved like that and we've taken it super personally.
Well, we get our backup, don't we? We get a little bit fired up. Maybe we retaliate. And it's sort of a downward spiral, isn't it? If you take things personally and um, I really like where do mcg Miguel comes from and he really talks about, Hey, you can say your thing, be true to your word, but you don't have to feel that you're obligated.
To change others. And I think this detachment [00:24:00] like do the right thing and then just let it be. Don't take it personal because to me the power in his thinking is if you liberate yourself with this idea of not taking things personally, cuz you've gotta remember. Everybody else is way more interested in themselves than you.
I mean, it is the hard truth. It's for you. For me, our members, all of our listeners, this is the hard truth. Everybody, they're living in this world that they've created and they think that their world is the right world. And when others make mistakes or cause them harm, it's always on the other counterparty.
You know, people rarely take it for themselves. So everybody is preoccupied with themselves. So they're too busy to care about us. And this is quite powerful cuz what you can say is often when people have done things that cause [00:25:00] you problems, invariably they don't even realize the effect of it. They just don't even, it's not even on their radar that it's causing you all sorts of stress,
Mark Pearson Freeland: right?
I think you're totally right. Mm-hmm.
Mike Parsons: So I think if you just give everyone the benefit of the doubt, And does not, don't take things personally. I see a bunch of upsides. You don't spend all this energy getting burnt up by it. Two, you don't fall in the trap of retaliating or being childish about things.
But it means that you can be just calm and confident in saying, Hey, this is how I feel. This is what happened. I'm moving on. And you don't have to fight any more battles. I invariably find. People that take things really personally. They're fighting battles from 5, 10, 15 years ago. They haven't let go. And that's just, oh, the weight of that burden, mark.
That's huge, isn't it?
Mark Pearson Freeland: You, you, you've sparked this clip in particular has, has stood out to me a lot actually, [00:26:00] and I've been reflecting and scribbling as we've been listening and chatting. And you're totally right. Where, where you've just taken me though is down the path of Daniel Pink. And the, the book that he did, the Power of Regret, right?
This idea of retaliation or being influenced and directed by others and their behavior is gonna be one of those areas that people will regret. You know what ultimately people regret doing is not having done something. And I think the influence of others on what we do in our day-to-day is quite substantial.
And where I'm particularly hearing this, uh, second agreement of Don Mcg GOs don't take anything personally is around behavior. So if we had be impeccable with your word as, you know, actions and, and how you, um, Behave from a, a vocal perspective as well as you on time, and so on. Instead, this one is a little bit more personal, it's more, uh, out outward as well as inward.
So the inward piece where I'm [00:27:00] hearing from the second agreement is around, uh, trying very, very, uh, diligently to be very, very, uh, Like a duck allowing the behavior of others to just wash over you. Yes, because what I've noticed in myself is when I am distracted, yes. When I have experienced something that, you know, maybe is a little bit stressful, maybe it's somebody has, um, blocked me in with the car or something like that.
Let's choose something your name, you, you find at least I do. Uh, a. A potential. Result being that I will then behave negatively towards others during my day. Yes. And fundamentally, where I think this agreement comes to life in my mind is one, it's encouraging me to not. Behave like that, and instead leave the troubles to, you know, one side and which I think is a behavior as well as a mindset, uh, guidance.
And then the second piece is to not [00:28:00] take too much offense from others. Yeah. And instead, you know, if you've run into somebody in the street who's just maybe not having a, a, a good day, or at least they've said something to you that's a little bit confusing. Don't judge them for it, just let it go. Instead, just allow others to be them because at the end of the day, you don't necessarily know the situation of that other person.
You don't know what they've had to deal with. And I think that's one of our moonshots piece of advice, isn't it? Just let others do theirs
Mike Parsons: as well. So this is great point, mark. So one of the things we've learned on the show is don't judge others cuz you have no idea what battles they're facing. Yeah, right, exactly.
That's number one. Number two, this is a bit tangential. I'm gonna build a bridge here. So let's go from Don Miguel to Stephen Covey, circle of Influence. Mm-hmm. So, Covey obviously wrote Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, master Work, in my opinion, absolute timeless, [00:29:00] classic. And he's like, devote as much en as you E Energy as you can to the things that you control.
I e. Your thoughts and your actions. What Dom Miguel is kind of saying to us here, if you do take things personally, you're allowing things that are outside of your influence. Mm-hmm. For example, I cannot control what others say or do to me. Right. What Covey and Dore are saying, but you can control how you respond.
So how we choose to perceive things around us is our greatest power. This is where true empowerment comes from, because you could choose to be a victim and say, oh, everyone's after me. There's so much injustice for me. Right? Or you can say, there are challenges, or as Yaka willing says, Problem. Good. Right?
Good. Goggins says, just get over it. Tackle them. I mean, think [00:30:00] about when you studied the life of David Goggins, the abuse he got at home. The challenges when he did try to get into the Navy Seals and he wasn't going to allow any excuses, he wasn't going to take anything personally. He was just gonna get the job done.
And every bit of fame and fortune that he enjoys, I believe he has earned every millimeter, every centimeter, every square mile of that fame. He earned it. And this is what I think when you don't take things personally, you can just get on with things. Do the things that you're meant to be doing, live the life, follow the path that you are meant to be doing.
That is the wisdom I think we have here from Don. Well, wouldn't you say.
Mark Pearson Freeland: Yeah, I, I think you're totally right. I mean, he does inspire me to think back to, um, somebody like Michael Bunge, Stan, [00:31:00] you know, a lot more practical, very, uh, physically within the realm of getting stuff done, productivity, and so on.
But even, uh, Bunge Stan was saying to us, you know, work on yourself. Make sure to, uh, define your habits. And, you know, I think one of the exact words that he was calling out was, Lighting yourself up so very much on the things that you can control, build on those in order to go out and deliver, deliver the ambition that you might have, whether it's a product or a service and so on, or just being a good version of yourself.
Yep. More so than as, as the other side. Without the four agreements in place, taking things personally, not being impeccable with your word, it's, it's gonna be a lot harder to actually be productive or efficient, both as. A happy individual, but also from a productivity perspective if you can't at least her to or understand these agreements and these rules that we're finding out.
Yeah,
Mike Parsons: I think, I think when [00:32:00] stuff happens, that's not really as you would've hoped or expected, just be like, create a little bit of detachment, play it like a chess game. Like I, I love doing those exercises, like get your personal emotions out of it. And I believe that. The more I play life like a chess game, I'm not allowing energy to be spent do, and I talk about dwelling in the past.
Stop fighting fights from days, weeks, years ago, move forward and that freedom, that unshackling can only happen when you don't take, take things personally. Cuz if you get caught up in all of that, then I believe it. It really. Uh, can get you into a, into a not off, just off track. I just think you can find yourself putting your energy every day just in the wrong place and just not getting the rewards for [00:33:00] it.
Um, and, you know, life is a challenge. So that's where I think these rules really help us as well. And that is, we've gotta have some simple mantras to come back to. And Mark, we're only halfway through the two of the four agreements, and I feel like I've taken a huge dose of wisdom. What about
Mark Pearson Freeland: you? Yeah, I, I, look, the book is really offering this.
Another phrase as, as Amazon would put it, a code of contact. And I find it's, it's again, fascinating. We've dug into the work of, uh, Jordan Peterson with rules for life, Robert Green and the laws of power. And now we're getting into this, this code of contact of, of the four agreements. And Mike, I just find it so fascinating again to call back.
This idea of being a gold, you know, once we put all of these rules and sh shuffle them around, the ones that really do stick in our minds and that we continually come back to are the ones [00:34:00] that I think, at least in my experience, Guide me as to how I want to live my life. Mm-hmm. So if I think back to some of the work that we've done with Ikigai and understanding what am I in the world to do?
Is it legacy? Is it, uh, sustainability? Is it helping others? And so on. It's all around trying to, uh, find a way of living your life in the best positive way. And I find that this book specifically is really trying to dig into. Helping us uncover that, isn't it? And no wonder why it's been in the bestseller list for 10 years,
Mike Parsons: but it's also like, you know, be impeccable with your word.
Don't thi take anything personally. As you can see, these are very powerful mantras to live every day by. But mark, there is a pattern happening. We are finding this in great thinkers, great entrepreneurs, people who've made a difference in the world. We're seeing that they too subscribe to this and this next one.
Oh my gosh. It's like, let's get the [00:35:00] work done. Let us not fall into the temptation that, you know, you see so many people doing. So why don't you set up this next one?
Mark Pearson Freeland: Yep. We've got the third agreement coming up next. This is again from Don and Oprah, who are now gonna help us discover and find the courage to really ask questions and find what we want from life.
So let's hear from Don and Oprah. Talk about not making assumptions.
Oprah: Don't make assumptions. Whoa, boy, we make all sorts of assumptions because we don't have the courage to ask questions. We make the assumption that everybody sees life the way we do. Oh my goodness. How many times have I been in conversations with people and I say, that's your point of view.
You're make, you are assuming that everybody thinks like you. Yes. That's one of the biggest ones, isn't it?
Don Miguel Ruis: Yes. And that really come from, uh, from knowledge. Yes. Mm-hmm. When we was born, we have no knowledge. Then society capture our attention and it teaches the language [00:36:00] we speak, the religion that we follow, Uhhuh, et cetera, et cetera.
Then once that we have knowledge, something extraordinarily happen when we, we are maybe 5, 6, 7 years old, and what happened is that knowledge start speaking in our head with a voice that no one can hear but us and that voice of knowledge is really made by assumptions. He's assuming almost everything.
Mm-hmm. Then when I say, uh, don't make assumptions, it's just, uh, a way to try to control the best we can. All those thoughts. If we go deeper, like we, we said a little before, if we find a place in between thoughts, that inner silence, then we will see that we really can control also thoughts and we can create that silence inside of us.
You
Oprah: pa say it on page 64. All the sadness and drama you have lived in your life was rooted in making [00:37:00] assumptions and taking things personally. Mm-hmm. Everything revolves around either one or two of those, right? Yes. Taking it personally or assuming somebody is thinking the way that you do, I think women make this mistake a lot in relationships.
All kinds of relationships, particularly with their spouses and boyfriends and all that, is that you think that person should know how you feel. Mm-hmm. Or what you're thinking. Mm-hmm. You think that person should know because they love you, they care about you. Mm-hmm. They know. Isn't that a huge one that people make all the
Don Miguel Ruis: time?
Yes. It's happen all the time, all around the world. Mm-hmm. And we cannot read minds really.
Mike Parsons: We cannot read mines. It's so true, and it comes back to what we talked about earlier, like don't judge others. You have no idea what battles their thing they're fighting, but it's also this mark. I think judgment, particularly of other people, it's a slippery slope.
I think that it's very, very dangerous. I think you can look at a lot of social tension [00:38:00] that we see around us comes from a lot of judgment. A lot of people saying, no, my way is the right way. You are bad. Um, and I think here there's something deeper as well, is you can, and they talk about it, uh, in the book, which is asking questions.
So rather than rushing to judgment, rather than making assumptions, ask questions. Why, why is that so how did that work? Why did you do that? These are sorts of questions you can ask without any judgment inferred in the question, and that's why I love this. Um, thi this technique I always use, which is help me understand.
Yes. Such a good way to start a conversation. Help me understand here, because I'm just not following. Tell me more about this because I just, I'm not getting it right. Rather than jumping and saying, oh, what you're saying is crazy. Help me understand. Help me understand. It's a very good starting point, isn't it?[00:39:00]
It's, it's, it's
Mark Pearson Freeland: really a culmination or, uh, a culmination to a certain extent of those first two agreements. Mm. You know, you were now at this point of not making assumptions about others or about experiences that are around us. That comes from, at least from working inwards. I can help others not make assumptions about me by being impeccable with my word and not taking things personally, and therefore thinking about how others are interpreting.
Things that I'm saying and that I'm doing, and therefore enabling others to feel more confident or, or aligned with, with my thoughts and behaviors. But at the same time, it's very challenging, isn't it, to not make those type of assumptions about others. Mm-hmm. Because similarly to an insight that you shared at the beginning, sometimes in life we all look for a good thing to blame.
For something that doesn't go our way. Yeah, maybe a project has gone a little bit sideways. Maybe something hasn't come in [00:40:00] or a result hasn't been what we wanted it to be. Maybe it's a work thing or other. And sometimes we'll look to try and, um, look at others potentially more so than, you know, events and say, ah, well you know what?
I think it was because of so-and-so. I don't think so-And-so did. Their side of the agreement. Yeah. And that assumption, all it does is, is really poison you to a certain extent, isn't it? If you're constantly living in a time of making up and and guessing how other people are responding and their behaviors, all you are really doing is creating that uncertainty and then insecurity that then makes you feel a little bit.
Less confident, doesn't it? Whenever I've felt insecure about something and I've made assumptions, it affects the way that I work. It affects my ability to, you know, do a good job because I'm distracted. I'm, I'm thinking about something else. Yes. Is that, is that where you are interpreting this, Mike? Can
Mike Parsons: I look at what Dogra says about making assumptions?[00:41:00]
Like I just imagine this, if you make lots of assumptions, take everything personally and then you're not. You know, keep myself accountable. That's one messy place to be in, right?
Mark Pearson Freeland: Oh, can you imagine anything more stressful? You know, we're all trying to find ways of decluttering our life, but these habits, these routines are things that you, if you, if you're not careful, Can continue throughout the whole of your life, can't they?
They are bad habits similar to anything else, uh, junk food, let's say. And unless you, you keep them trimmed, so to speak, and, and as long as you hold yourself accountable, then you can start to reduce those situations where that those bad habits really kick in. Yes. And look. If you are an individual who's hanging out with somebody and they are not impeccable with their word, they're not very conscious of others, and they are, are bitter perhaps from making a lot of assumptions.
Another the type of person that you really want on [00:42:00] that bus, on that team on.
Mike Parsons: And you can certainly make the choice to say, Hey, this is not how I want to live. This is not how I wanna work. Um, so I mean, really powerful stuff here. Who else do you feel we've learned from over the course of 224 shows that really talks about don't assume and judge others.
Who talks about doing the work, asking, uh, the questions. I'm reminded a lot of Tim Ferris, he's all about asking the questions, investigating on that level. But I also listening to Don Miguel, then I got a little bit of an echo toll feeling where he's like, don't let the mind run away. Be present. Just be in the here and now.
Mm-hmm. And, and that's a whole nother direction to take this whole idea of don't make assumptions right.
Mark Pearson Freeland: I think you're right. There is an angle here that talks very nicely into, and similarly why we've put it [00:43:00] in our good thinking series of mindfulness of, of, as you say, staying present. And I think Kar is, is exactly talking, or at least drinking from the same water fountain as Dom Miguel rears because this idea of not making assumptions and therefore staying present.
So what do you do when you make an assumption, Mike? You think external? Yeah. You're trying to second guess somebody else. Yeah. And that doesn't necessarily do you any favors because what it's doing is removing you from this current situation. Yeah. So if you and I, we are getting together to record this first edition of the video podcast for Moonshots.
If you and I are not present, And we are distracted by something else, it's gonna be a worse product. Yeah, and that's true for everything in life, isn't it? Whether it's just you hanging out with your family or trying to make decisions from business perspective. I think Mike, another individual that comes to my mind as we are working through these four agreements, and this idea [00:44:00] specifically around finding the courage to express yourself and not make those assumptions is the work of Elizabeth Gilbert Big Magic.
For some reason, this idea of not making assumptions, i e. Somebody's gonna, you know, judge the work that I create and they're gonna think it's really bad because the idea has been done before is exactly where Elizabeth Gilbert was going with her book. It was giving us the permission, and I think that's the key word here, the permission to go out and explore a new path, a new idea.
Writing a book in her case that although she was worried and made assumptions over another individual who maybe has written a similar story or similar insight or a framework before, the important thing is you haven't done it yourself. So rather than making an assumption to use the words of Don Buggars here and combining with with Elizabeth to not make an assumption in saying, ah, nobody wants to hear this.
Actually, the truth is they could [00:45:00] do. And it could well be very successful if you put the time in, if you follow these guidances about being honest and impeccable as well as, you know, doing things without making those assumptions of others. You can go out and create some pretty interesting and pretty powerful work.
Mike Parsons: I totally agree. And um, I, I guess one thing we should do for all of our listeners and viewers is remind them we have mentioned a lot of our favorite. Moonshot experts. Um, and if you do want to dig into them, head over to moonshots io. You can find the entire back catalog and you can dig into different series, different experts, find inspiration, practical advice, habits, all the things you need to be the best version of yourself.
So that's moonshots ao. All right, mark. We have done three of the four, but you've kept us waiting. It is time for our fourth one. So hit us up with Dons.
Mark Pearson Freeland: I [00:46:00] think this fourth one from Don Mcg Migueles is probably one of the most interesting and the flashiest, the meatiest mic that we can really delve into.
And I think our listeners and viewers are gonna think the exact same thing. So let's hear one more time from Don, as well as Oprah, who are now going to help us understand the idea, the concept, the promise of always doing our
Mike Parsons: best. And
Oprah: then the, the, the fourth one. Always do your best. That's one of the reasons why I gave this to my girls at school.
Cause if you always do your best,
Don Miguel Ruis: well, this is my favorite one. That's your favorite. Oh, definitely. Because the first three exists only in our imagination, in our mind. But with the action, we make it real. It's no longer in our mind. Okay, you know, we have so many ideas, but if we don't take the action, those say yes, we'll just dissipate.
But if we take the action. We really created and we [00:47:00] can share it with
Mike Parsons: everyone. Oh man. Bringing the inspiration to wrap up the show mark. I mean, doing your best. You know, it's so easy to say that, and it sounds almost trite and so obvious, but you know what? It took me a long time in life to give, to find out how to give a hundred percent.
And you know why it was so hard, mark?
Why's that? Because I was so damn scared of failing. Ah. And to protect myself if I'd never tried. Huh? I didn't even try. I got 60 outta a hundred. Huh? Easy. That was an easier path than like giving my all and trying to get 99. Cause what happens if I didn't get 99? And then I'd be stupid. An idiot.
Mark Pearson Freeland: Yeah.
Right. I think it's, it's similar to myself, Mike. I think with that, um, let's call it [00:48:00] insecurity for, for potentially another, looking for another good word by not trying my best. I think again, the reason why was because I was conscious and, and afraid as well. Of not reaching that top mark. And it's similar to, you know, as you get older and you start to mature, you decide which direction to take from your professional life, let's say for some reason.
And for some people, you know, you start to experience it and you think, you know what, I'm pretty comfortable mm-hmm. With where I am. Mm-hmm. And I think those who are the more disappointed ones and the, the individuals, for example, within Daniel Pink's, the power of regret, the people who are, uh, towards the end of their lives and they have regret.
It's from not trying something new, isn't it? Yeah. It's potentially not going out and doing that fourth agreement from Mugo res. Doing your best because your best in my mind is activating [00:49:00] whatever you can. Mm-hmm. You know, maybe you are in a good level of fitness. Well, one, didn't you try your best and do a marathon?
Hmm. Or whether you are right now, you're firing and all cylinders, your creativity is off the charts. Great. Go ahead and create new product service, a book. And I find this quite an inspirational, um, Unique difference from those other three agreements similar to where Don Miguels has said to us, because this one is the outward facing, however, I'm kind of feeling like this is a bit of an inward facing call to action as well.
Mike, and I'll, I'll try and explain a little bit. I think trying Your best for me comes through the, um, individuals that we've perhaps seen on the moonshot shows such as Tom Brady or Michael Jordan. They are though individuals who will try their best at every point of their lives. They're trying not only in those big, you know, um, on the court playing for the N B A, [00:50:00] winning out on the field and the pitch instead, it's actually throughout all of their practice sessions as well.
They're inspiring others by trying their best. That's right for me. This, yeah, this insight is not only something that will drive me forward. But it's also something that helps others on my team in those cases, sports teams. But I think the argument could still be in, in place for business as well. By trying your best to help others sort of be elevated and feel more confident.
Yes. To go out and try your best as
Mike Parsons: well. Yeah. So I think in doing your best, the real practical thing I would do here is say, If you try really, um, the American saying is leave it all out on the field, right? Mm. You just gave it everything. No matter what it is. Cleaning the house, learning a new musical instrument, reading a book, working on something, doesn't really matter the level of [00:51:00] satisfaction that you can enjoy regardless of the outcome.
Knowing that I worked real hard is such a satisfying thing that you can be more mindful when you give everything, because there's none of the self-doubt whispering in your ears saying you could have done better, right? Mm. You don't. You don't get haunted by those whispers in life. If you gave everything like said differently, work hard all day, you gave your best.
You did some exercise, you ate well, you listened to other people, lived your four agreements. Then you hop into bed and you're like, I'm knackered, I'm gonna sleep, and you sleep well. You're not haunted by like, Ugh, I'm not, I didn't do my best. Or I haven't really tried, or That deadline is coming. I mean, that's the classic one.
You know, when we are putting off the hard work and the deadline doesn't change. Right. [00:52:00] It's coming.
Mark Pearson Freeland: Yeah. You, you, it's, it's one of those things where you just, you put it off for long enough, it's gonna creep up on you. Yeah. You know, this idea of the shortcuts as you were talking about earlier. Yeah. If you.
Flee from it. Run from it, put it to one side, and ignore it. It's not putting it to bed. And you're not necessarily doing your best, aren't you? Because you are ignoring it as much as you can. Yeah. And the only remedy towards, as we've discussed on the show, the remedy towards, let's say happiness, let's say, towards being a productive version of ourselves is from going on that journey, experiencing things, learning from them, and then putting them into practice.
As form of, you know, your best version. So I think Mike, yeah, this fourth agreement, unless you hold yourself accountable, unless you ask others to give you that guidance as well, I think it's gonna be something that's quite easy to slip up on, isn't it?
Mike Parsons: Yeah. And I'm, I'm wondering, as I, I think about [00:53:00] this, I mean, I think the obvious one, if you want to do your best.
Is you? You gotta pick up. Can't Hurt me by David Goggins. Oh yeah. I mean, without a doubt he kind of takes us through a journey of how he unleashed his his best. Right? I think if you want to look at athletes, look at what Michael Jordan did. He turned up to practice first, last to leave, worked harder in practice.
So when he got to the games, games were easy because they were at a slower temper than he trained. How great is that Tom Brady? I mean, talk about all in this guy diet. No one ate better than him. If you think about film, watching film from the game, nobody, people all talk about how he would just wa watch film.
I can't remember who it was, but a famous person went to talk to Brady's team during the season and they said [00:54:00] they finally understood Tom Brady. Because this person was successful. I cannot even, I wish I could remember who it was, but the story goes like this. So this famous person comes to talk to the New England Patriots when Brady was still there, and when this person came into the room before that, they were meant to start.
Tom Brady was already there with a notepad and a pen sitting in the front row.
That's what doing your best is like Tom Brady style.
Mark Pearson Freeland: How impressive is that? If there's any individual to be inspired by, it is the goat, it's the greatest full time. And
Mike Parsons: so the, the guys, the guys won like seven or eight Super Bowls. No one's ever done it. Um, he's done it at different teams. And the thing is, he's turning out, he's sitting in the [00:55:00] front seat.
He's ready to go, ready to learn. Michael Jordan, when Dennis Robbins off partying in, in, uh, Vegas, and they wanna win another championship, it's not the coach. And it's not the manager that flies from Chicago. Michael Jordan gets on a plane, fires to Vegas. Gets Rodman from the hotel and brings him back. But here's the interesting thing, apart from the fact of you can look at all their success because you put in the work, you also inspire others.
So here's the thing. When Michael turned up and knocked on the hotel door, did Dennis Rodman say No? He said Okay. Grabbed his bag and came with Michael because the influence. That you have when you do the work, when you are a hard worker, when you put in the sweat and the tears, people respect it. [00:56:00] Mm-hmm.
So when Michael says You need to get back to the team, you need to come back and train with us cuz we wanna win. Dennis is like, okay. He came, they didn't fight, they didn't argue. Packed his bags and came. That was. That's not like just power, that is respect. That's it. Dennis, a good time party guy. I knew my time for partying has finished.
I gotta go back because if Michael has turned up on my hotel door that says everything about intention and how he should live, and he did that and they weren't. And to me that's do the work
Mark Pearson Freeland: right. Yeah, I think you're totally right. And, and going back to Covey, the circle of influence. Totally outside that circle of influence in that case.
But at the same time, through that behavior yes. Of him previously, it just gets those members around him stoked as well. Yeah. Talk [00:57:00] about alignment and the right people on the bus. Oh, it's, it's the perfect little leader situation,
Mike Parsons: isn't it? Yep. It's in incredible. So there we have it. Mark four agreements that can help us.
Do things just a little bit better. Say 1% better every day. Um, of all of these from Don Miguel, I mean, gosh, picking a favorite. I mean, you almost feel like you're not allowed to pick a favorite cuz they're all so well, so important. Yeah.
Mark Pearson Freeland: I, I think this is, this is a, a more challenging one than usual, Mike, because a lot of the time when we've got somebody like a Jordan Peterson or Robert Green who have given us these laws for life or rules for life before, there's a couple that you know will be my favorites, but actually these four in combination.
Are gonna be so, so powerful if I have to choose one. I think the making assumptions is still something I could work on harder. Yeah. I think there's always gonna be space to continue doing my [00:58:00] best and there's always gonna be space about being impeccable with my word and so on. But from now on, and at least initially, Not making assumptions is something that I think I could start to put into practice just when waiting at the bus stop or driving the car.
Yeah. What about you?
Mike Parsons: Yeah, so I think my homework is on will always be, I think potentially is, don't take things personally, you know? Be like Teflon. Don't let those things stick. Don't, don't bring those with you. Move forward and put them, uh, to bed. I mean, mark, what a gift. And we return to Dom Miguel.
Pretty good, right?
Mark Pearson Freeland: I, I love getting back into Dogo res. The, these four agreements are so powerful, so influential and so inspiring that it, it's been. Great fun to get back into it and hear from, from dawn as well as Oprah and discuss
Mike Parsons: them. Totally, totally. All right, mark, I wanna say thank you, uh, to you for joining me and all of our [00:59:00] listeners and our members for Show 224, where we studied the four Agreements by Dawn.
Three years and what a treat it has been. We learned four things that on their own are amazing. Be impeccable with your work. Don't take anything personally and make assumptions and always do your best. But upon reflection, as we get to the end of the show, we have realized that you put these four things together and there's something very, very special.
So I encourage you, our listeners, our members, to join us as we study how. We can actually be the best version of ourselves. Practice live, breathe the four agreements, and you'll be on your way to the moon. And that's what we're all about here at the Moonshots Podcast.