Dalai Lama: The Art of Happiness
A Handbook for Living
EPISODE 194
Every time you see him, he's laughing. And he makes everyone else around him feel like smiling. He's the Dalai Lama, the spiritual and temporal leader of Tibet, a Nobel Prize winner, and a hugely sought-after speaker and statesman. If you ask him if he's happy, even after so much loss, the Dalai Lama will give you an unconditional yes. What's more, he'll tell you that happiness is the purpose of life and that the very motion of our life is toward happiness.
How to get there has always been the question. The Art of Happiness is the book that started the genre of happiness books, and it remains the cornerstone of the field of positive psychology.
“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion”
Dalai Lama
INTRO
The Dalai Lama during his ‘quest for happiness' public talk in Adelaide, talks about ego and identification - and gas
Don’t be a prisoner (2m44)
START WITH YOURSELF
Philosophize Now introduces one of the key lessons from the book: reception
Training the mind (1m20)
Read and Grow breaks down the need to confront challenges head on
Facing your suffering (2m35)
ACCEPTANCE
Philosophize Now hits us with another key lesson: relationships
Compassion (2m12)
OUTRO
The Dalai Lama closes the show for us with a lesson on the meaning of life
Achieving happiness (2m59)
READING:
Dalai Lama: The Art Of Happiness
If you would prefer a short summary of the book you can find it here on Blinkist.
TRANSCRIPT
Hello and welcome to the moonshots podcast. It's episode 194. I'm your cohost Mike Parsons. And as always joined by the man himself. Mr. Mark Pearson Freeland. Good morning, mark. Hey,
good morning, Mike. Is it just me or are you feeling just a sense of. Happiness and pleasure as we're digging into and continuing the current series.
Mark, I am feeling all sorts of joy and good vibes as we go to a very cool focus for this show.
That's right. This is a brand new individual, Mike, who maybe we've referenced on the show, but he's probably an individual that needs not a great deal of introduction. It is the Dalai Lama and today listeners and members, we are diving into the DLA Lama's book, the art of happiness.
Which Mike comes at a good third or fourth spot within our happiness series. And I, I'm wondering maybe we should have begun with the Dalai Lama. He is the man. Who's all about happiness and spirituality? Isn't he might be
small in stature, but he is certainly a heavyweight when it comes to all things, spirituality, happiness, and the search for meaning Mike, I think it's so cool that we get to do a show on his.
Wonderful book, the art of happiness. It is another twist and turn on this road of a happiness series. And I tell you what, for somebody who has, I tell you what he has overcome so many challenges, and he can still be a beacon for happiness. He's won a Nobel prize. Come on. This is a guy that we can learn from that we can study.
And I'm really looking forward to seeing how he can bring just another look at being a little happier every day, how we can find joy, happiness, contentedness meaning and fulfillment in our lives. This is a pretty cracking show,
Mike. Yeah. I think what's really interesting as we dig into today's show or the Dalai Lama is this idea of happiness and contentment.
He's an individual, like he just said, Mike, who's certainly seen quite a lot of let's say upset from around the world as well as his own country, as well as his own people. Invariably, whenever he appears in interviews. And he's asked about whether he is happy or not, he always says yes.
So I think. As we look across this series, we are really searching for what happiness means and maybe how we can achieve it. He is the go-to person who just always has a little smile on his face and he can introduce us to this concept of what happiness is really all about. I can't wait to get it.
Yeah, we've
got some really nice thoughts from him and from others studying his book, the art of happiness. What a build on the books that we've done and the authors and the experts that we've done in happiness so far, we've got more to come after this as well. Mark, where are we gonna kick off this journey into the art of happiness by doing.
Look,
listeners and members and moonshots family. We are gonna have to start today's episode with the Dalai Lama himself. He was actually doing a public talk down in Australia and Adelaide. And this first clip we're gonna hear from him is all about how we don't need to be a prisoner.
I never consider myself as something special.
If I consider myself something D. From you like I'm
bud,
even more I'm his holiness dilemma. Or even as you consider, I'm no word then. Actually you create yourself as a prisoner.
I forget these things. I simply consider myself one of the 7 billion human being. We are mentally, emotionally intelligent.
We are the same. A point. He rather
invertedly proved through an unexpected
story
about gas. When in airplanes, sometimes this gas problem comes, then you see difficult to let out. So occasionally.
Look around,
Is it the ultimate source of satisfaction within yourself? If you do wrong things, mainly harming others, you get negative consequences. If you help others bring more happiness to others, you get more strength there. And more sort of confidence of purpose of life and fulfillment about that purpose.
Then you always feel happy
when we are young, very much alive, these inner values, and we've grown up particularly in a society where we do not talk much about these values. Only talks. If you read the newspaper or television sports, Or money, a number of dollars like that and all the advertising, some of cause of the material value.
Now, no one telling no one explaining the importance of warm
hotness.
You certainly felt his warm heart and hardness in that clip, mark and One of the having read the art of happiness so long ago, the thing that really struck out struck me in reading that was that whenever you feel yourself being judgment or frustrated with others, or, feeling really negative thoughts towards others, there's this sort of, this.
Universal approach of just remembering in the end, we're all human beings. And that kind of therefore puts us on the same team in the end. Yeah. And he talks a lot about there's goodness in everyone, you just have to go and find it. And I think this is so helpful to discuss and remind ourselves of right now, because.
We do so much more of our interaction through digital means, be it through chat or video conference. And the thing is that depersonalizes the person on the other side, their text, or a visual on your screen. And what we need to remember is they are human beings and mark, one of the things I've noticed.
The impact of in person meetings after two years of semi lockdown and COVID restrictions when you are with people in person, I R L right in real life, it is so much easier to remember that they are humans. You can see them, you get the body language, you get that sense of togetherness and connection.
And I. Coming back to that as a universal truth not only makes being together with people more of a joy, but also I think it helps you. Avoid some of those frustrations that we probably all felt over 20, 20 and 21, just remembering, Hey, in this, in the end, we are all humans, which puts us on a team of 7 billion plus people.
I find that very. Comforting thought, isn't it?
Yeah I really do. I think this idea of being on the same team and hearing from the Dai Lama, talking about the fact that he's just one of 7 billion people, he, yes, he might be a Nobel prize winner and referred to as his holiness, but he's just another.
Human being he's just another individual. And I think that acceptance, or maybe that way of thinking and the observation of it is like you say a way that we can collaborate better with each other instead of maybe being feeling like you've been offended or somebody's been rude to you because of a very short email or a presence on a meeting when you step back and you think, okay This individual is just another human being.
Maybe they're a father or a mother or a brother or a sister, and they are just doing their own thing. Like I am suddenly you start realizing, oh I should be conscious of that if I can be. And this is something Mike that I've tried to do particularly In some of the work that we've done with the moonshot show, I'm re reminded of Mark Manson with the subtle art of not giving her, which to be honest I reference on the show quite a lot, Mike don't I, but he is really talking about this idea of not getting so offended when people say or do something that fundamentally shouldn't upset you again, withdrawn Peterson, the control that you have over yourself is to.
Receive or observe criticism from others in a more understanding way. And rather than take a lot of offense at something that somebody says it's okay, just compare yourself to who you are. And I'm really feeling like that coming through what the dollar alarm is referencing when we're talking about happiness, it's that kind of acceptance.
Everybody else around you is all part of the same being you and I are moonshot listeners. Our subscribers are members. We're all part of the same team here. And I think that's empowering, isn't it?
It is. And it just saves you from falling in those nasty traps that I think we can all get into where we are.
We create division through judgment or jealousy or whatever it is, just let it go in the end. We're all on the same team. And it's not a dissimilar mark. I would say to all of our members, they are definitely all part of the team mark. And I feel like it is just with great excitement. Every time we record, we are just seeing.
New members joining up. So I think mark, we should be tipping the hat to all of those new members.
It's perfect that it comes in the happiness series, Mike, because there's nothing that kind of gives you an eye and our Moonshot's family, more happiness than seeing the family grow week by week, day by day.
Here to welcome everybody in and give you all a lunar powered dose of good karma as well as our thanks, please. Welcome Bob and Niles, John and Terry Nile Marlin, Ken Dimar Marjan and Connor, Rodrigo Yasin, Lisa and Sid. Mr. Bon and Maria Paul and bur Kaman and David Joe, and Crystal Evo and Christian hurricane brain, Sam Kelly, Barbara, Bob Andre.
Matthew and Eric, Abby and Hosie, Joshua, Chris Kobe and Damien, Deborah Gavin Lasse and Tracy, Steve and Craig Lauren and Javier Daniel, Andrew Rav and Ivette. Mike, this is getting longer, longer every single week. Isn't
it? It is massive and it's getting harder because I think we've gotta do a shout out to avert V plusher.
Mark did his very best, to do some Dutch on the show, but I will show off for a brief moment. It's a big tip of the hat to you, a Hoya mid to avert. And we certainly welcome members from all. Corners of this planet. And it's a real joy because this many members is really a sign that we all wanna learn out loud together.
It contributes to some of the costs that we have to put this show together of which there are numerous. I just cannot believe I need so many SAS subscriptions to publish this show, but it seems that we need a good dozen of 'em and. We are now formally at 49 Patreon members, mark. There was an event that we should mention in a second.
That happens when we get to 50, but just if the happiness and the good vibes are not enough to get you to become a member, as you're listening to our show right now, what we also do for our members is we publish. A separate podcast, entirely separate podcast, where we study the big themes that come up in the show and we pull it all together.
And if you become a member, you get to listen to that. That's only available to our members and to our subscribers. So jump in there, get your lunar power. Good karma. Get your special moonshots master series podcast. And mark, we get one more member. Just one more. There is probably an earth shattering moment in the fashion industry about to happen.
That's right. There will be people strutting up and down the streets of Sydney, Adelaide, London, New York, everyone around the world in moonshot fashion, because of listeners and members. If we get to that big five, zero mark, we'll be able to finally get the moonshot store up and running and they'll be merchandise, including t-shirts and totes mouse, pads, and notebooks, and all sorts of good stuff, which eventually we'll start rolling out more and more, but it really depends on.
Our members.
Exactly. So if you're listening to the show and you wanna nudge to the big 50, come on, you can head over to moonshots.io, click on the members button, do the good stuff, get the karma, get the swag, get the merch. There are a million, one reasons to jump in there and be part of this, cuz we love learning out loud together.
And we really begin that process with the mind. And we've got a clip coming up now, which is really about. How we can take this idea of happiness, which is I have to admit something I just thought was an end result. But the insight that we've got from the art of happiness by the Dalai Lama is that there is training.
There is work that you can do. So we're gonna have a listen to a YouTube channel called philosophies. Now talking about training. In
the
in the first few pages of the book, the Dalai Lama states that the purpose of life is happiness. No matter what an individual seeks, the ultimate goal is a better and happier life and that this happiness can be achieved through training the mind.
The first step in training the mind is to identify the sources of happiness and then cultivate these factors, which create happys. Such as kindness, compassion, and friendship, and eliminate the factors which create unhappiness, such as anger, hatred, and envy. He also says that happiness can be affected by one state of mind.
And then secondly, training the mind for happiness. How do we go about training the mind for happiness? Firstly, we have to learn how our emotions and behaviors affect us and see that negative emotions and behaviors harm us and positive emotions and behaviors benefit us. And then we apply the cause or principle.
This is the relationship between events and emotions. And then we practice increasing events which create happiness, such as events, which cause you to be compassionate or kind. And then we decrease events, which create unhappiness, such as those events, which cause you to be angry, selfish, or envious. And because this process can take a bit of time, the Dalai Lama suggests reviewing each day so that you can see your progress daily and over the long run.
Okay. Mike, we're hearing some big observations and insights there all around this concept of connecting happiness content. Whatever you wanna call it with this idea of proactively practicing a behavior or a mindset every single day. So I think let's dig into that a little bit because I think that's where you and I can really get the most value out of this lesson that philosophies now are calling out.
And the first tip that he says that he's calling out from the, a of happiness by the Dalai Lama is to notice and identify. The sources of happiness in your life and therefore allowing yourself to almost cultivate those more and more regularly. And I think for me, that's really harking back to some of the work of Eckhart.
Who's talking in the power of now about observing and noticing those things or those areas that make you happy, because if you notice. And you can identify what makes you happy. You can then see it happening more regularly, can't you?
It's. Mac is crazy. Like when. In your younger years, did you ever think that you needed to work out your mind for happiness?
Like you might work out your body at the gym, did you? This never dawned on
me? Yeah, I think and think that's a really good call out. I think a lot of us. And I've certainly done this in the past. You expect happiness to arrive on your plate. Yes. Yes. You expect to wake up. It's like Christmas day, you expect to wake up and suddenly, Hey, I feel happy or you want a meeting or a conversation to go really well and you think, Hey, great.
Now I'm happy. Or maybe I reach a certain age and then you are happy. But I think so. As we're learning throughout this series, but specifically today from the do Lama, is that these areas, these approaches, these mindsets come with practice. And that it's really, again, just about how you observe and how you, I think, appreciate, and maybe have gratitude.
For a lot of these events of your life and how you interpret them, wouldn't you say?
Yeah. So like we're learning that there's a muscle, there's like a happiness muscle that we have to work in the mind, which in itself seems just a bit odd, but there you go. And I think. In his work, he leads us into a couple of steps that we can take to do that.
So let's imagine right now we want to do a happiness workout. Here's a really basic one you can say to yourself: how could things be worse? So one of the things that I think is really interesting, you can say, okay, am I alive? Am I breathing right? Yes. Okay. Can I go and make a nice cup of coffee?
Huh? Imagine if I couldn't like, if you actually build the list, are you sitting in a nice place? Oh, yes, I am. Do I have the tools to do my work? Yes. Imagine if I did not have these things and so on and so forth, you could actually go through and do a bit of an inventory of all the things that you do have. And this is really important because a lot of people that we've studied, talk about.
Judging yourself only against yourself. And a lot of unhappiness comes from looking at people who you think are so wildly successful and rich, and it turns out that causes you so much suffering and lack of happiness. Crazy things are very often those that are in these perceived positions of wealth and success often look.
Those who don't have that wealth of success and saying how nice it would be if my life was as simple as theirs. , isn't that ironic? Those that supposedly have the simple life are looking at the guy going, I wish I had all that. And then they're all looking at each other with envy. Each other. The reality is things could always be worse,
right?
Yeah it I think it's, it reminds me, Mike of the grass is greener on the other side, that old phrase, that old Chestnut, as we say in the UK and I've been guilty of that before, where you get yourself into a situation and your mind is kicking in saying, oh, I wish I had that. And maybe it's a car. Maybe it's a house. Maybe it's a job, whatever it is. And. Realistically that item let's say it's a physical thing that you're trying to manifest. Is not necessarily the root to happiness or your positive state of mind. You control your mindset. Don't you only, I can control my level of gratitude that I have, like you say, for making a cup of.
Having the tools around me to do my work properly, having a comfy chair to sit in while you and I record the moonshot show. And I think that's a really big takeaway that we've found within the moonshots show and the people that we've studied. And specifically this idea of happiness when we've covered Dan Harris, as well as Ben Sharma, is this gratitude?
I think this gratitude, this observation of what I have around me, that I. Should not take for granted, but to be honest, Mike, I've taken a lot of things for granted I've done about you.
Yeah. Yeah, totally. I think the other part of this mark is that we can look at people like Goggins and Yoko Wilin and what they are training us to do is not allow hardship and difficulty.
To be things that spiral us into negativity. Like I think we're all pretty guilty of oh, whoa, become me the hardship, which I face. And, oh, I'm pulling the load on my shoulders. Like I. I definitely do that. Don't you? Oh
yeah, absolutely. I definitely have fallen into the trap of claiming that I'm really unhappy because of those sufferings, you wanna run away.
So conveniently Mike we've actually got this next clip. From reading and growing this great YouTube channel, who again is breaking down. One of the key lessons from the D Lama's book, the art of happiness, and this time it's all about this idea of suffering and ultimately resilience. So let's hear now from reading and grow, talking about how we should start facing our suffering.
Although pain and suffering are universal human phenomena. That doesn't mean we have an easy time accepting them. Human beings have devised a vast repertoire of strategies for avoiding having to experience suffering. Sometimes we use external means to medicate our emotional pain with chemicals. Other times we use internal mechanisms like psychological defenses that buffer us from feeling too much emotional pain when confronted with problems.
Suffering can only be avoided temporarily sooner or later, we'll have to face it except suffering as a natural fact of human existence and courageously face problems. The biggest problems in our lives are the ones that we inevitably have to face like old age, illness and death, trying to avoid our problems, or simply not thinking about them may provide temporary relief, but eventually these things.
'em away. And if you've avoided thinking about them, when the day comes that any of these events occur, it will come as a shock causing unbearable, mental uneasiness. However, if you spend some time thinking about old age, death, and these other unfortunate things, your mind will be much more stable when they do happen.
As you have become acquainted with these problems and kinds of suffering and have anticipated that they will. Accept suffering as something quite natural, and it will reduce the feeling of rejection. That feeling that you don't deserve to suffer, that you are a victim. We often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, overreacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally.
Often when problems arise, our outlook becomes narrow. All of our attention may be focused on worrying about the problem. And we may have a sense that we're the only one that is going through such difficulties. This can lead to a kind of self-absorption that can make the problem seem very intense. When this happens.
Seeing things from a wider perspective can definitely help. Realizing for instance, that there are many other people who have gone through similar experiences and even worse experiences. If you compare the event with some other greater event, look at the same problem from a distance, then it appears smaller and less overwhelming.
There are so many places to take this. I think the crazy thing is when you think about suffering and. And stress has two sides to this. First of all, when something comes our way, like a challenge or hardship, we choose. To interpret it as a negative. And what we've seen from Yucca willing David Gogans they're like embracing the hardship.
The other side of this is often when we think about things that are yet to happen is that we are worrying about things that have not actually transpired. In fact, there's this great book called the worry cure. And part of it. This doctor did this big study and found that like 85% of what we worry about actually never happened.
I've been guilty of that, Mike, I'm sure you have to
aren't we are, isn't the human brain, the craziest thing on the planets. So when something challenging comes your way, you can just do Yucca willingly and he says, and you gotta finish this off for me, mark. He says problems. Good. Yeah, just say, all right, I'm gonna grow.
I'm going to overcome this. I will be better for it. And if you're thinking about the future remember this, you are gonna fall into the human trap of worrying about things and therefore experiencing stress or anxiety around something that actually hasn't even
happened. I think Mike, even in the last show that we did on Tal Ben Shaha, you caught out a great quote.
Who? I think it was Mark Twain who said the greatest battles. Yes. I've ever been in my own head.
He's there, they never happened.
They never happened, which I think it's really interesting as we're getting into this space of acceptance. An observation. It feels almost stoic. Doesn't it? Mike, it feels like there's something really wrong.
Holidays. Work with mark sore meditations coming through here, because it's ultimately about noticing how you react to stuff and not going. Too far down that line of, delaying the suffering for too long, because ultimately it will come for you.
Yeah. And there will be times where you need to acknowledge I'm feeling a certain emotion.
Like we can't be like, absolutely perfect, but just let it go and make a choice about how you want to respond. And so many people have studied Einstein. Oprah Winfrey. Steve Jobs all encountered great challenges. And they used a growth mindset, ALA Carol Dweck, which we did a show on, which is they chose to grow from it.
And so much of what we learned from stoicism and echo toll is you can train the mind, you can train this response. You can, and as we're learning today from the Dalai Lama, you can train for happiness. So this is where, when you get really high level. You are the one responsible for your situation and there ain't nobody else.
And if you are feeling that you're in a sea of mud, at some point, there is an inflection point where it becomes your choice. And what we're learning here is if we're not feeling as happy as we'd like to be. That's our choice for where we've been, but it's also great. We can exercise the happiness muscle.
We can actually get ourselves outta that and we can train the mind. I think this is a very powerful thing for us to embrace because I certainly found myself much more in this sort of mode. During the last couple of years unlike any other time in my life where I'm like, whoa, I gotta work on this thing.
I gotta start journaling more. I gotta do breathing and meditation more. That's been how I've tried to do it. How have you tried to do it, man? Yeah.
I think the work, like you say that we've learned and studied on the show. Has really impacted me particularly over the last couple of years and one of the shows and one of the individuals that I remember we studied with that I'm really starting to feel a bit of a connection to when we heard that previous clip is Dan pink, the power of regret.
Yeah. And his book. Really, and his studies, his research really pointed out how many of us get to a certain point and maybe look back. And the things that you regret are not necessarily things that you've done, but it's more the things that you didn't do. And. I think that's quite, that speaks a lot of volumes, particularly as we are thinking about this idea of happiness, as well as the connection to suffering.
So for me over the last couple of years, if I've found things are maybe a little bit of a challenge, maybe a little bit hard, I try to think. From a bigger picture. I try to step back from the immediacy of feeling that little bit of uncomfort or that little bit of, oh, I don't really want to have to deal with this.
Maybe I'll leave it alone. And instead taking a step back, taking a breath, maybe going for a walk. And just thinking, okay let's step back for a second. Let's think about this from the bigger picture of maybe my life or my career, or maybe just how I want to be seen by others or maybe how I want to see myself.
And if you think about this as we heard in that previous clip from read and grow. You will eventually run into suffering, whether that's on your deathbed or otherwise you're gonna be better suited if you are ready for it. I feel like over the last couple of years, practicing a little bit more around looking at.
Moments of discomfort as opportunities to become that little bit more. Let's say battle hardened. Yes. yeah. Yeah. Getting under a cold shower. Yeah. Yeah. You and I talk about a lot or whether it's just observing, a difficult conversation or a difficult situation, maybe with work and thinking, okay, I'm not gonna run away.
Maybe what I do is I'll go and work on it. It's something to grow from. And I think that's a really positive spin on something. Ordinarily, we would try and avoid,
I think you're right. And training at the gym, training your mind, your mindset and your habits are very good things. I think the pattern that we're seeing through hundreds of shows is that.
People that really accomplish moonshots, people who do amazing things, they're working on these sorts of things. I think the other thing that they're working on is leaving ratings and reviews for the moonshots podcast. That is a guaranteed happiness buzz right there. Mark.
Yeah, you're totally right.
If I am listening to the show, Mike, and I'm revisiting the art of happiness by the D Lama via Spotify or apple podcast, the thing that I'll be doing is leaving a little bit of compassion and a little bit of positivity by popping into that app as I'm walking or running. And leaving a rating or review because Mike, it makes a big difference for getting the moonshots message out there.
Doesn't it? It helps us get around the globe.
It certainly does. So just as you're listening right now, it take you like two minutes, open up your Spotify, your apple podcast, or whatever application you are using to listen to this show, give us a rating, give us a review. We'd really appreciate it. It helps other people.
Discover what we're doing here, which is learning out loud together to be the best version of ourselves. Okay. So now it's time to turn our minds to another practice. Mark, we've talked about training the mind facing the things that are coming your way, being a little bit stoic, but there's more for us to do.
We've got more homework from the Dalai Lama. Don't.
Yeah, that's right. Next clip is all about if we built ourselves up a bit of a foundation and we've started with ourselves training that mind, we're now going to understand the next build, which is about how we externalize it and how we utilize compassion within our relationships.
The first aspect in this section is intimacy. So what is intimacy? The author describes intimacy as sharing one's innermost self with another and not holding anything back. So why would you want to create intimate relationships while studies have shown that intimate relationships, both promote wellbeing and contact loneliness, and these are big problems nowadays.
So let's look at a process for creating intimate relationships. This process works for any individual, whether it's a romantic partner, a friend, or a complete stranger, this process has three distinct steps. Firstly, establishing compassion. Yeah. You have to understand how the other person is suffering and then try to put yourself in their shoes and show that you care.
The second part is respecting the other person's background and. And the third part is being honest, open and trying to find common ground. Next, Let's look at the value of compassion. So Compassion's literal definition means to suffer together. And why would you want to suffer with another individual while studies have found that compassion improves physical, emotional wellbeing, and is therefore a factor that leads to a happier life.
The do Lama goes on to split compassion into two types. The first top is the top. You feel towards friends and family. This top includes an element of emotional attachment as the feeling of compassion can change. If they upset you, the second top is free from attachment and it's based on the fact that all beings wish to be free from suffering.
And can thus be felt for anyone's friend Oro. The second type is stronger, more reliable and has a more profound quality. And it's not based on outside events
to develop
the second type of compassion you need to regularly experience and understand other people's suffering. This means going to places where people suffer or the second option would be to follow the compassion meditation given in the book.
Compassion. It sounds like the world could do with a little bit more compassion right now. It seems like everybody is rushing to judgment. Everyone's firmly in one corner or the other. And if you listen to that practice, walk in their shoes, understand where they're coming from. Don't rush to judgment boy, the world could do, be more
of that mark.
Look, to be honest, then Mike, there've been times in my life as well as my working career, when I've probably been a little bit judgemental of others, maybe I've judged them or reacted to them in too sharp of a way because I've forgotten. This value of compassion. And I'll tell you what, when somebody else shows me a little bit of compassion, maybe I've had a bad day and somebody smiles at me or holds the door open for me.
It makes a big difference. I don't think until you've really. Experienced it, can you appreciate how good that little bit of compassion can be and how much it does impact this big idea of happiness? Wouldn't you say?
Yeah, and I think a lot of what we have to learn from the data Lama on, on this compassion thing is to turn it back on ourselves.
Of course, we want people to be understanding and compassionate of us. That's a fair statement. Wouldn't you say mark? I would say, right? Yeah. He's just saying that starts with you being compassionate to them because if you want it yourself, you gotta give it first, right?
Yeah, exactly. There's a great quote from the book that he says, if you want others to be happy, practice compassion, if you wanna be happy. Practice compassion. .
That is so perfect. And I think. Like one of the things I try to do is when I feel like someone's pressing my buttons I just say to myself, okay.
Mike, be like, Teflon, just let it all go past, don't rush. Because there's this ancient thinking of, don't judge others cuz you have no idea what battles they're facing. Yeah. So to me at, in the heart of things is. What I try to avoid is to have a few moments where I'm like, WTF, what are they going on about?
Just go, okay. Chill Mike, be cool. Be cool. Let it go. Let's just play it out. That for me is how I trained it. How do you try and practice this and do this in your regular day,
mark? Yeah I think we, we really have an opportunity to. Imagine that the people that you interact with are like yourself.
So if I am getting on the bus or if I'm going to the supermarket or whatever it is that I'm doing, I will try and consider that the other person is maybe like me. Maybe they host a show called moonshots or something else. Maybe they are experiencing some of that same challenge that we heard in the previous clip with regards to suffering.
Maybe they have got something much worse than. And if you can, if I try to put myself a little bit in their shoes, if I try and remember that they themselves have their own problems, as well as maybe they are just as well equipped to deal with those problems as I am I E not very much. And I'm trying, and we're all trying to learn day by day week by week.
Then suddenly it becomes maybe not easier, but a little bit more. It makes me more conscious. The effect of thinking about and talking to those people becomes more of a conscious one. And what I have experienced particularly over the last couple of years, when people very much. Step back from one another and we couldn't really interact with each other.
Apart from virtually what I've now observed is when I'm out and about people are I think a little bit more friendly maybe is too open a word. But they're a little bit more willing to just smile. They're a little bit more willing to have a bit of a chat. And I think that comes from having had such a lockdown for so long.
And for me, when I'm trying to practice that little bit of compassion, try to put myself in their shoes. That's what I try to do, because they've all been through those hard times of not seeing each other, not seeing their family, the exact same as I have.
Yeah. And look. So I think it's in terms of compassion.
Let's look at the opposite. Let's truly try and make the case for this because I think what I see in meetings, work environments, what I see happening in social and political circles is incredible. Lack of a common ground, a lack of understanding of each other. And let's try and make the case on an individual level.
If you are compassionate to others, they're gonna feel good. So that's a net good thing, doing something for others. So they feel good, giving is receiving, so that's the positive side, but let's do this mark. Let's just get down to brass tax and say, Why, being judgemental of others and not showing compassion is so bad for the individual.
Okay. So if you're always seeing the bad side of people that is going to infect us, that's gonna create a bad vibe around us, but if we are in. Negative mindset that is gonna cause stress. Cuz we're gonna be frustrated with all these people, right? If you're saying she's an idiot, he's an idiot.
They're wrong. Why? All that kind of stuff that's gonna create, get you into a pretty bad state of mind, right? Oh
Negativity breeds negativity. Doesn't it? If you're surrounded in, a pool of. You're gonna feel a little bit bogged down and again, it comes down to that ownership of how you react to stuff, right?
Yes. And so that reaction that you just talked about taking ownership for, if it goes negative and you are looking at the bad in others and judging the bad in others, that will cause you stress because you are saying they're bad. I'm good. This is a net negative situation, right? . So what happens is you get this stress from that in, from that disconnect.
That's right. And what does stress do for you? It attacks your immune system. You get absolutely knackered, fatigued, depressed, anxious, like all these bad things come from this. So what I'm trying to do is connect all these dots and just say, look. If you're not sure about the upside of compassion, the downside of lack of compassion is pretty bad.
And think about this. If someone is always seeing the negative in things, and I just want you to imagine in a work environment and you are both. In the canteen eating your lunch. Are you gonna wanna go sit next to them?
you're not, probably not, you want to hang out with people that you share a maybe similar mindset with, but also maybe there's something to learn from.
And to be honest, Mike, if there's somebody who's a little. Miserable or negative specifically. It's gonna be more of a challenge. Isn't it? You
I, the way I experience it, it goes, it feels like, oh, this is gonna be such an energy drain. Oh my gosh. I just can't. Do you feel that feeling?
Oh, I just can't. I just can't talk to them. It's too much. . Yeah, exactly. Because it's a net that they take from you, that stress takes from you. So that's hopefully a mark. We've got into that to try and find the upside for you. The individual, I love that quote that you had that really shows that if you wanna be happy, be compassionate, others.
So that can be happy. It's one big circular loop of goodness or on the other side, it can all be a little bit stinky or we can get all a little bit nasty. Can't it?
Yeah, exactly. I think what we are really starting to see from the dial alarm with regards to happiness is how much work you need to put in.
I loved the analogy that you said earlier in the show, Mike, the fact that you have to work on your happiness muscle. Yeah, you have to really encourage your brain, as we heard earlier, the training in mind to receive it, but also this idea of practicing compassion, no matter what mood you are in, maybe you've had the worst morning so far.
If you go out and this is true, this is something I've experienced as well. If I've had a pretty stinky morning, I'm not in a great mood, but if I go out and. Maybe try and do something nice for somebody else. And I don't mean necessarily something over the top, buying them a car or buying them lunch.
I don't mean even something like that, but it's something as simple as maybe holding the door open. Maybe moving outta the way on the pavement. Maybe just something very seemingly UN right. Just a very small act of kindness, that little bit of compass. Can actually make the other person smile.
And when that other person smiles, maybe I smile and then suddenly I realize, oh yeah, you know what the stress I had earlier, it's not permanent that struggle that I might be having with work. It will end, it's okay. Yeah. And I think that's where this concept of compassion really comes in for me.
I, it helps me. And again, go back to something you were saying earlier. It helps me remember that these things will pass, whether sounds or otherwise it will pass. And when it does, then maybe I get closer to that idea, that art of happiness.
Yeah, totally. And, listen, look, if you want others to be compassionate to you, Then you gotta show a little compassion yourself.
two way street. Isn't it?
Quid pro quo. Mark. We got one more clip from the man himself. Why don't you set it up for us and bring us home? That's
right. The darling Lama kicks us off today with this idea of egos. So now let's hear a little bit more from the Dalai Lama himself, specifically helping us work towards achieving the big idea, OFS.
Very purpose of our life. I usually describe happiness, reason, the future, even this afternoon, what will happen? Do not know the future, but our life is based on hope. Even present some difficulties still with hope or life remain. If someone completely lost hope, then that very mental attitude shortened their life and worst case even suicide may take place.
So therefore hope means something good. Therefore a purpose. Our life are usually telling people happiness is our city's real meaning of our life. Now happiness, theistic, way happiness, only sensory level, seeing something nice, hearing some beautiful music and test. And smell and touch including sex. These are materialistic sort of, or say happiness, istic level happiness.
These are short, not long lasting happiness must on a mental level. Now in this country one part of Saint philosophy and then general philosophy, but is philosophy, no creator, rather self creation. So therefore the concept of karma also comes, everything depends on your own action.
Positive action. Virtuous action. Bring good harmful sinful action, bring suffering that depends on motivation. So in this country, over 3000 years ago our city was already examined. The ultimate source of happiness, not external, but. Not sensory labor, but mental level. So Shaha practice for Viv summer came.
So therefore and is these things originally come from religious text now we should take, now these things as an academic subject, not a religious
subject the fascinating thing here, Matt is what we heard. In the previous show is the fact that there is this great irony, that happiness is this sort of universal top priority for everybody.
But so little study of it, I don't see anything in my time at college or high school that focused on this. My son has almost finished high school and is about to go to college. And he hasn't done happiness courts yet. It's our number one thing. That's like athletes, not training. It's writers not writing, but the weirdness here is how little we work, the mental muscle of happiness yet.
That's fundamental to achieving our number one, number two goal in
life. Yeah, exactly. What's going on? Tel Ben Sharma was coming at happiness from a real science and research perspective after only 30 years of work. And it was all about this idea of attainment or pursuit of happiness and where he found was this kind of selflessness, wasn't it?
Oh, sorry. In fact, it was self foolish. That was all around working on yourself. And I think it's exactly the same that we're hearing from the D Lama here, which. Compassion working yourself. It takes time. It isn't immediate. And when you do notice and experience the journey that it takes, you. Along this route of working on your mindset, thinking about it from a long term or mental perspective, rather than this sensorial short term aspect, happiness, even though it's not something that we necessarily learn about at school, like you say, it's something that we all go out and want to achieve.
You can't expect it to just happen. You're not just gonna wake up one day and say, oh yeah. Hey Mike, good news. I'm happy. I think it's gonna be something that I wake up the following morning because I've done something the night before that has led me towards being happy today. Maybe it's.
The knowledge of recording a good show with moonshot, maybe it's knowing that I've done enough research for the moonshot show and therefore I'm happy and confident when I'm getting ready to go into the record. Maybe it's something else. Maybe it's before a race and I've practiced enough. I think it's all about this preparation.
And as we heard earlier, reflection on the actions and the activities that you do that then ladder up towards the Inver ultimate goal of happiness.
Yeah. And I think one of the most practical tips that we've got from the Dai Lama in the book, the outer happiness is. To reflect on what makes you happy and what makes you unhappy.
And so I'm thinking that can be easily incorporated into a journaling practice. Don't you?
Oh, 100%. I think, as we heard from the first couple of clips, this idea of noticing. What makes you happy? I E gratitude through the act of maybe journaling or even mantras can then help you identify those moments within your day.
That kind of make you happy. So therefore you don't let it slip by . How many times have I. Maybe not noticed how blue the sky is and when I then sit down and think, oh, you know what really makes me happy? A nice, beautiful day. Then when there's a beautiful day. Now, if I have put in that little bit of practice, that little bit of mental workout, then I start to notice, oh, look, it's a beautiful day.
I know that makes me happy. And I think that's the logical route that we're starting to uncover within this series. Isn't it. By working on what makes you happy, reflecting on it, journaling maybe even talking about it, then it becomes a little bit easier to identify it when it next
happens. Hopefully listening to us break it down has also been a bit of a workout of the happiness muscle mark.
What's going into your practice tomorrow on this newly acquired skill, which is the art of happiness.
I think for me, it's this idea of compassion, this idea of really actively looking at opportunities to demonstrate a little bit of compassion for people who are around me, whether it's family or friends, colleagues, or maybe strangers in the street demonstrating a little bit of a practice toward.
Appreciating where they're coming from and maybe showing them a little bit of compassion. Yeah. That, that I think is the build that I'm gonna take away from today. How about you? Which lesson, which habit is really standing out for you?
I do relate a lot to we're all on the same team.
And that was when I read the book years ago, I was like, oh, it's such a good way of just normalizing the connection. The other thing here is I journal a lot, but I don't really journal about happiness. So I think I've got some homework
to do, mark. That sounds like a great bit of homework.
so what a great moment that we've had together. And I just wanna say thank you to you, mark. I wanna. Grateful to you for joining me on this show where we studied the work of the Dalai Lama, the book, the art of happiness here on show 194. And I wanna say thank you to you, to all of our listeners and our members, because we are flexing some new muscles and it's.
Starts with the work of the man himself, the Dalai Lama and the art of happiness. And he says, don't be a prisoner because in the end, we're all on the same team. And the way you can get towards happiness is by training the mind, take a wider perspective. Remember things could be a whole lot worse. And when the tough things come, you need to face your suffering.
If you do this, you'll be ready to go out and bring the best version of yourself to the world. You can be compassionate to others and you know what? You'll get a little compassion back. Out there, achieve happiness, flex the happiness muscle, and you'll be on the best path to realizing what you can be to becoming the best version of yourself.
And that's what we are totally about here on the Moonshot's podcast. That's a wrap.