Dale Carnegie: How to Stop Worrying and Start Living

episode 119

SHOW TRANSCRIPT

Hello and welcome to the moonshots podcast. It's episode 119. I'm your co-host Mike Parsons and as always, I'm joined by the unflappable, the man who just can't worry. Mr. Mark Pearson Freeland. Good morning. Hey, good morning, Mike. It is a pretty special episode as we begin a brand new series. Isn't it? It is pretty good stuff when we start a new series, but I tell you what that leadership series was pretty good, wasn't it?

Yeah. I'm really, really struck by the, the consistencies across our foreign individuals, you know, Sasha as well as Christine, as well as Jeff and Tom each are from totally different sectors as well as backgrounds. Right. But [00:01:00] they all had so much to teach us and inspire us about being great leaders. I thought, I thought it was a really valuable.

Experience for myself. And I hope that the listeners enjoyed it. It was classic moonshots. And I tell you what I think this new series is again, I'd be the ultimate in classic. So where are we? Where are we going in this series, Mark? Wow. This one is pretty unique, pretty individual. And as you and I were digging in just before the show, Mike, pretty astounding when you really take a step back and look at the lessons, as well as the amount of individuals who are inspired and taught by these, by these innovators day to day, you know, when you go.

Find book reviews online and the sales figures and so on. It's pretty amazing. So we are just about to begin today, episode one, 19, with our timeless classics series, Mike, we're going to have two books on Dale Carnegie. We're going to have the absolute show stopper, how to stop worrying and start living followed by how to win friends and influence people with two incredibly popular books of his we're, then going to dig into Stephen Covey and the seven habits of highly effective people.

I know that you're going to look forward to that one, Mike, as well as Eckhart Tolle, the power of now what a series that we're about to get it. Yeah. And you know, I've been thinking that, and this is totally unplanned. And so you don't know what I'm about to suggest. What about we throw in Carol Dweck with mindset to finish out this series?

I mean, we talked about us so much in the previous episode with Satya, I feel like she deserves to be. The one to bring it home. Yeah, you're totally right, because we did promise our listeners as well. I know, I think that'd be a great addition. Okay. Down there you go. Listeners, you're hearing us learning out loud, thinking out loud and collaborating.

[00:03:00] I, I think they didn't realize they were joining a production meeting of the bachelors podcast. Come on, let's get this back on track. Where do we want to go to, so today we're going to start with Dale. Carnegie's how to stop worrying and start living this for us. Mike is a good one. Isn't it? I think when we take a step back and we build on the leadership lessons, this is now really, really practical tips that are, are still around and can help you.

And I, as well as our colleagues and listeners get into, uh, get into being the most productive versions of ourselves. So this first clip, uh, I should tell our listeners, Dale Carnegie sadly, is no longer with us. So we're going to use a lot of. Clips that have inspired us and taught us in the past around a number of our key innovators and entrepreneurs.

So we're going to have a few clips from a couple of different characters today that's available online. We'll put their links and URLs into the show notes. So you guys can go and check them out as well. And this [00:04:00] first clip is from Brian Johnson at the optimized team. And Brian's gonna introduce us in this first clip into something that's really, really key for us to bear in mind.

As we get into the rest of the show, this is going to be our foundation and our anchor to refer back to, and remember, as we dig into mindsets, as well as practical tips, this first clip is Brian Johnson telling us about Dale. Carnegie's how to stop worrying, start living and why it's key to quit worrying.

First, we need to understand what worry does for us. As Dale Carnegie says, he says 70% of all patients who come to physicians. Could cure themselves if they got rid of their fears and worries, as we now know our minds and our bodies are very closely tied together. In fact, they're not separate at all. And if we're stressed and anxious and all this, we're literally poisoning our bodies and it's going to show up in sickness and disease and all these other things.

So we want to start by purifying our [00:05:00] minds. And, um, again, as he says, 70% of all patients could cure themselves if they just were able to handle the fears and worries. Oh, that's so true. Isn't it? Marco, how many times times do you hear people who are going through a really stressful event and then, but here's the classic one for the middle aged guy.

They do their back. They get some really terrible back complaint, like lower back. I mean, of course worry is manifest in the body. Right? And we see this, uh, this, I love describing how Brian picked up on something. That's in Dale Carnegie's book. How to start worrying that, that there is like this, this almost this active poisoning.

And there are many stories in the book of people who, when they learn to use the practices that we're going to talk about in this show, literally self healed complaints. There's a great story about a guy. All [00:06:00] he could consume was milk. Because he had so many stomach ulcers and then through these practices totally cured himself.

So the point that that for me is so imperative. If you feel exhausted, if you suffer from, um, these, uh, kind of weird complaints, you will often be able to bring it back to worrying about the future sometimes regretting the past, but often your mind runs rampant about worrying about the future and look for your own health.

That stuff has just got to stop. Doesn't it mind? Yeah. I think the, the, the reason why that clips are great way to start the show today is because it's reminding us, Mike, it's reminding us of this connection that perhaps we've seen in VIM Hoff. Um, with his breathing and the ability to cope with, with disease and, and listeners, I encourage you to go and go [00:07:00] and check out.

I'll show them VIM Hoff, if you want to find out more on that. But for me, refer, uh, building on what you just said, like it really does manifest itself. Stress really manifest itself for me in my upper back. You know, I think I've probably even spoken about it on the podcast before there's this particular, I don't know, not on a shoulder will suddenly fall.

If I feel really stressed, maybe I'm hunched over or, you know, just always tense. And the reason why I think that's such a great clip for us to open on is it reminds us that the mind and your physical body are so interconnected there, you know, and I know we'll get into a little bit today, but training both of them.

In equal measures is really important for the flexibility of your mind, as well as your body. Right. It's so true. So the great news is coming up on this show. We've got like two big buckets, eclipse first bucket. It's all about mindset. That's a very [00:08:00] moonshots podcast theme. So we like that. You're going to hear a lot from Brian Johnson at optimize.

And, um, it's really about how to structure your thinking. Discipline your mind, frankly. It's about you taking control of your mind. And, and in fact, that is one of the biggest breakthroughs that this book will give to you. It's like, hang on a second. It's your mind will run wild about, uh, considering all these possibilities and the worst that can happen.

It's time to take control of it. Your in control, not your mind and certainly not your ego. Then the second half of the show, we're going to get into all super practical things. We're actually going to bust it right open. We're going to take wire and show you a very clear four step approach on how to break it down.

And it really does work. I'm a real fan of this book, uh, from Del Carnegie had to stop worrying and start living. And I want to Mark take you and our audience to [00:09:00] perhaps for me, when I read this book, the most powerful idea, and this idea is where you should begin the journey. If you feel in your bones, that you tend to worry.

Maybe a bit too much, if you, I have a sense of dread at times, these are all signals that you're pretty wound up with some stress. Often there are these like trigger events that really bring on stress. Um, the way a meeting goes the way a conversation goes, your relationship with someone, you know, a project, a deliverable that you've made it doesn't go right.

And there's a lot of stress that goes with it. So I want to take you to that moment. And as a, as a, an example here, we're going to have a listen to a guy called Mark Roberts. Who's actually from the Dale Carnegie company talking about how to use the power of the book, how to stop worrying and start living.

And he [00:10:00] related a little bit to 2020, and obviously work from home and COVID and all that stuff. So he's going to break down the key question that starts at all. And the key question is what is the worst. That can happen. If you're like me, you're sequestered and away from people. This virus has taken over our world has gotten many of us concerned and rightfully so.

So we find ourselves worried and concerned about what's going to happen. Mr. Carnegie wrote a book, how to stop worrying and start living. And in that book, there's 30 principles for how to manage our thinking to control worry principle. Number two is, as he labels it, how to face trouble? I'd say we're probably in trouble right now.

So how to face trouble. And the first part of that principle says, ask yourself, what is the worst that can possibly happen? Well, if I think about my [00:11:00] situation here, worst could happen would be, I don't know, I could lose my house. I, I could die, I guess. Uh, I could lose my job. My family could die. Oh. A lot of things could float through our minds when we're not controlling it properly and get us really concerned.

So the second part of the concept is prepared to accept the worst. So if I look at this properly, could I accept the fact that I lose my house? Yeah. I'll live someplace good. I accept that. I'm losing my job. Yeah. I've lost them before. I'll probably be able to find another one eventually. Um, if I die, not much I can do there.

So why worry about it? It's going to happen eventually. Anyway, uh, those that I love could die. Well, what's the likelihood of that happening? If we're all sequestered, not really interfacing out there where the virus is probably pretty well. So the third [00:12:00] part of this is try to improve upon the worst. So as we look at this and say, what can I do?

They could improve upon the things that I'm worried about. Well, as far as my job is concerned, there's online options. And I could work to do that. I could support my company in ways that, uh, would allow me to do that from sitting in my home. Many of us are doing online commuting and telecommuting and that sort of thing as a result of this.

And fortunately we have those means available to us. If my family is not out and about then chances are, they're not going to catch the virus. I won't catch the virus by them bringing it home. And so we'll just wait it out. And when I begin to look at things that way, it makes it a little easier to handle.

So Mr. Carnegie encourages us using this principle to ask ourselves what's the worst that can happen. Prepare to accept the worst. And then try to improve upon the worst in the ways possible that we can. If we do that, we're probably going to be able to weather the [00:13:00] storm pretty well by controlling our thinking and not allowing it to control us what a practical and well applied clip there that is taking Dale's work from 1948, Mike, and bringing it into, you know, uh, by the way, when we say classic, I mean, we are not mucking around.

We really do mean a classic. We're not mincing around those words. This is a classic bestseller self-help book, and it's such a, it's a, it's a tip that I can really relate to. You know, in times when I'm facing trouble, my natural reaction Mike will be to jump to the worst and. You know, perhaps it's not always going to be, uh, realistic, but it's certainly going to be something that I'm going to gravitate towards straight away.

But what I don't do is [00:14:00] then prepare for it. I think that my, of those three steps prepare and improve. I think I'd probably land. Uh, in the, in the first one, I'd probably naturally assume, Oh, this is the worst case scenario. Right. And then

I, in my mind, and you said, we'll sit in that at that slightly negative space. And, and it's pretty hard to get out of. Um, and what I, what I think is really valuable, well, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. Let me interrupt and say you're in there marinating and just to relate to it, the worst part of that marinading and wiring, right.

Is you never resolve it. You're just like, Oh my gosh, this is going to be terrible. Oh my gosh, this is going to be the worst. And, um, you're in this perpetual state of fight or flight. Right. And you need to push through it. Yeah. You need to, the relief comes when something [00:15:00] changes, but that's something that changes should indeed be your mindset.

It should be okay. Well, This is it. I can assume that there's something I can do about it. So let me figure out what it is. Let me prepare myself for this particularly difficult scenario. Perhaps my preparation, uh, you know, building on Dale Carnegie's tips, there would be okay, well, this will stick around for a long time.

You know, this difficult situation is not going to be resolved for, uh, let's say six months. Okay. Maybe that's the worst case scenario. Let me see how I can improve on my reaction and improve on my, um, response to it. You know, let's not try and always fly away. Yeah. So, um, because you've been so candid in, in offering up your marinade options, what I'm going to point [00:16:00] out to you is actually in what you said, we can kind of see that.

The opportunity for you is to go further into the accepting and you should take any challenge that's coming to you and say on the surface level, if let's say, if I don't deliver something tomorrow at nine o'clock okay. If I miss that deadline, what does that do? What does that do to the project? What does that do to the overall relationship with my partner here?

What does that do for my company? What happens if I'm no longer at the company you really need to actually in a structured way. If you follow Dale, Carnegie's advice, you need to go right into the Valley of darkness. Mark. You, you, you were very good at saying, Hey, it's the prepare it. It's the accepted. You really need to go to the worst.

That can happen because the. Turn [00:17:00] the pivot. And here's the, the great moment. Once you go there to the very lowest of the low, you just like, imagine that nothing goes is your way. And it's a cascade of bad after bad, after bad. Once you were there, you have to do well in your marination. And except that this however, slight could be possible once you have truly prepared it.

And I think we know that we are, have accepted it and we are prepared for it. Yeah. When we can write it down and look at it and go, yeah, that is a list of 10 of the worst things that could happen once you have reflected on that, you can then start the kind of preparing and improving because here's the beauty now, are you ready?

Mark? Um, so I've taken you down to the Valley of darkness. It's terrible. I mean, your life is almost over as we know it. The beauty of life is this. Here is the bigger horror of this book. [00:18:00] Things are never as bad as they seem, but because you've entertained the worst that could happen. And that the worst never actually does happen.

Bad stuff might happen, but never the worst, worst, worst, worst. What happens is you're able to go, huh? Actually. Yeah, I didn't deliver on this thing. Yeah. The project went South year, the project and the product that we're building or whatever, it's not getting built anymore. Yeah. I lost my job. Yeah. The company's over.

You can accept all of those things, but once you actually get through the Valley of darkness, all of those things really have ever happened. Things are never as bad as they seem when you're in the Valley, but because you've accepted it, when you, when it works out, Oh, the project got delayed or, uh, we had this other issue, but we resolved it.

Then you're [00:19:00] like, this is really important. This is when you go, huh. That wasn't too bad in the end, but you can only get to that sort of little moment of delight if you accepted the worst, that could happen because that's your reference point. You had gone to the bottom of the Valley, but you're like, Oh, we're still pretty close to the peak.

Not quite what we wanted or maybe we didn't get the results that we were looking for, but we're not far off. Well that ain't too bad. Right. And this is key because then it puts you in the context right now to go, okay, I've explored the worst. That can happen. I'm going to take some deliberate action to get out of it.

And invariably, what happens is things end up better than they seem. If we follow the advice of Dale Carnegie, we can improve upon the worst. And your chances of doing that are incredible. Hi, or, I mean, it's, that's a great first lesson coming out of the [00:20:00] coming out of the game, Mike, isn't it? I mean, that's, I think it really does remind me of the lessons that we were learning from our leadership series around the reflection and the journaling, which we spoken about on mentioned show a lot.

I think that's really where you're, where you're going with this. Write it down, refer back to it. And change that reception or that mindset around the immediate versus the long-term. I would say vigorously entertained the worst thing that can happen. That's what I'm really getting to human. Like we got to go deep and dark and, and then everything builds out of it.

Like I spoke about because invariably things are never as bad as they seem, but you must truly explore that in order to accept it and to get beyond the worry. If you don't deliberately entertain all those bad options, bad [00:21:00] scenarios, then your, your mind is so curious as in you're always considering them and then you'll be in the shower and you go, Oh, damn, what happens if this then happens?

Oh, so take control of that situation. That's a big message here. Take control. Think, go to the Valley, deliberately dwell in it. And as you would say, marinade in it, and then deliberately. Try and do your best because invariably things are not as bad as they seem. And it's amazing when you see people who arrive with, with anxiety and worry it's because those thoughts keep coming.

It's unrelenting, isn't it? Yeah, it's unrelenting. And sometimes you've just got to, you know, bring it all back down and anchor it down. And in this next clip, it's an a, this is going back to Brian Johnson over and optimize. He's going to introduce us to another one of the facts. And one of the ideas within Dale Carnegie's book, how to stop worrying and start living, which is all about day [00:22:00] tight compartments and how we should embrace living each day and really focusing on the here and now.

So this next clip that we're going to hear from is Brian Johnson telling us about living in day compartments. The first one is this idea of living in day tight compartments. So imagine a ship. He tells this story that these big ships have compartments such that if water gets into one compartment and iron door comes down a steel door, it comes down and separates that compartment from all the other ones, right?

So it's, it's locked airtight. So the water can't get into the rest of the boat and sink it. And he says, we need to do the same thing with our lives. So we've gotta be able to separate our lives into day tight compartments. Right? So we put an iron door down from yesterday, had a bad date. The steel door comes down.

We don't stress about that. Stressed about the future door comes down. We don't stress about that. We live in [00:23:00] air tight day compartments. Right. And we just do what needs to be done today. So, well, this is like a huge theme because it not only does it come through in Dale Carnegie's work, I think we will find it in air quotes, tow aircraft, tolls power of now it's also a really big theme.

I love the analogy of like, you know, how in order to stop boats from sinking, they have all those air tight can, uh, containers and compartments in them. I love that because you do need to go and put the, worry, the challenge behind a steel door. So once you've confronted it and done your best today to get yourself out of it, put it in a box, put it in a compartment.

It is so important, but Mark, here's the twist on it. And it's a question for you. How do you put stuff in, in those airtight components? How do you put things behind the steel door? Well, I love to [00:24:00] think about things. Uh, whether they're reactions, emotions, or, um, actions, you know, physical ones in that short-term versus long-term approach.

And we've discussed this on the moonshot show before. So trying to something, I try and do more vigorously as I, as I get older. And as we continue on our journey of learning out loud with our listeners is to ask myself when I'm in a moment of challenge or stress or frustration, how will I feel in the future?

So my reaction right now will be possibly influenced by being tired or even hungry or feeling a little bit despondent or disappointed. And that. Short term reaction short-term emotions shouldn't influence the long-term objective, which might be to launch a product. It might be to collaborate better with colleagues.

It might be [00:25:00] to improve a relationship, whatever it is, it might be to create a, a brand new way of working and leaving a legacy behind. And those things are sometimes confused with short-term. Oh, I haven't reached it yet. So I'm going to be disappointed or no, that's the wrong way to think about it. That my, at least what's something that I try and, um, actively consider is.

Okay. Well, the result is the, the output of lots and lots of smaller, different parts. You know, you've got to go along that journey to get to that destination. And I think. What I like about this analogy and you're right. It's a, it's a great one with the ship and the different compartments being closed. So water doesn't leak out.

The long-term objective of the boat is to get to that destination. And the short-term thing might be, Oh, bad news. We just hit an iceberg or somebody left the window open and now the water's running. [00:26:00] So you're saying, you're saying what you basically do is make a distinction between short-term challenge and long-term purpose and objective.

That's what I try to do. Yeah. So I will build on that and say, um, my, the way I create con compartments is that when I face challenge and challenge, when things don't go as planned, you know, there's all sorts of things you can do to remind yourself of why you're doing it. And that. Reminding yourself of your purpose and reminding yourself that you've got to embrace it, just come from.

They're all good, but I'm going to get to an act I love and it's called the purge, right? I purge the station and the negativity out of my system. So what I do is I write a diary in the active voice where I actively go to the, the cause [00:27:00] of the, my, my challenge, my problem. I write down how I feel about it, why I'm, uh, feeling emotions about it.

I describe the emotions and I write and F and T and then I keep writing and writing Hill. I literally write the words. I release it. I purge it. I'm over it. I am done with it. That's how I create my compartments, because I have such a huge scope of responsibility in my work that spans regions over 250 people.

There's a lot going on. So sometimes things don't work out. I hurt myself. I know when I'm ready. Right. So something comes up and it's really frustrating. Disappointing me, or maybe I'm even worrying about it. [00:28:00] Then it is a full frontal attack. I write to it, I name it. I visualize it. And then I banish it behind the steel doors.

Cause the that's the only option that I have because I can't allow one thing. It's bothering me to affect how I work with all the people that I collaborate with every single day, all the people that report to me or the clients I work for, it's essential to purge, to put negativity, worry, and stress behind this steel door, lock that door, but I'm not locking it to run away from it.

I name it. I call it out and then I put that thing in there and say, you are going there and you are not coming out. Hmm. I think that's the important distinction that you're not locking it away too. Not highlighting. Yeah. Like naming your naming. Your worry is the most empowering thing you can [00:29:00] do. If you want to live in these day compartments, name it, call out the enemy.

Well, certainly something that I've experienced with you, Mike is. When you do name something, when you do put it into real life, whether it's writing it down as a one pager, whether it's you and I just collaborating and discussing it, I do get a sense of relief afterwards. You do. Yeah. You really, really do.

And you know, if you've, if I've ever got a worry in my head, or if I'm anxious about something only by releasing the steam and either talking about it or in your case, you know, running it down and purging it's that's when that pressure valve gets released to exactly, because this is what Dale Carnegie is talking about.

You must accept it. And actually this next clip really builds them where we've just got to. And it's all about understanding the role of fate and [00:30:00] circumstance. And this next clip, we've got Brian Johnson talking about Dell kind of use book, how to stop worrying. And it's all about the mindset of. Us each and every one of us, all you moonshot has being willing, ready, and able to have the situation to have things as they are big idea here, which is be willing, be willing to have it.

So I'm willing to have it. So right now with that, so be willing to have it. So this is a William James idea. William James was a, uh, I think early or late 18 hundreds, um, philosopher, psychologist, kind of the grandfather there, psychology movement, awesome guy. He used to teach his students, be willing to have it, so be willing to have it.

So too often we're resisting what is right. We're not accepting whatever is in our lives. And that creates a huge amount of anxiety and [00:31:00] worry and stress. So if we want to stop worrying and start living, we've got to accept whatever's in our life right now. We can still want to change it in the future, but right now we've got to accept it fully.

And we'll find that as we do that, our future unfolds more and more effortlessly when we don't resist what the current reality is. So Byron Katie, and the note, I talk about a few other people who mentioned this, Byron Katie loving what is is all about this Ecker toys power of now that's the heart of his message is loving the now loving this moment.

Byron, Katie is really funny about it. She says, uh, she says, I realize that it's insane to oppose it. When I argue with reality, I lose, but only 100% of the time. How awesome is that? When I argue with reality, I lose, but only 100% of the time, the fact is whatever's happening is happening to argue with it is insane.

You've got a [00:32:00] line at the grocery store. Well, it is what it is. We can choose to do something creative about it, but it is what it is arguing with. That doesn't make any sense, um, traffic on the way to work. It is what it is. Monster job. It is what it is. Relationship is in trouble. It is what it is. We've got to accept that first and then move to consciously, create our ideal, but be willing to have it.

So is yes. So big. I mean, this seems so simple. It seems so elemental and straightforward, but actually it can be a little bit of a challenge, you know, accepting something fully and not resisting it. Doesn't come naturally to me, at least my, um, I'd like to think that, yeah, I love the now, but I am one of those people who gets frustrated in the grocery line, things that I can't control.

I get a little bit frustrated. Well, this is huge. This is huge Mark, because I think we all have some degree of this. Um, But [00:33:00] the, the, the, there is a point in time where no matter the grocery line at work in our relationships where things are just where they are, and we can go back and forth as to why we can talk about the bus.

We can tell them about their future, but it just is. And the ability to catch yourself. And this is a big theme. I think of these classics is being able to float above yourself and look at yourself and to be how say I love this idea of like, you cannot fight reality because if you do, you will be guaranteed.

You're going to lose every single fight. Reality is just what it is. For example, If we're doing something and let's say we're a sports team and we've lost more games than we've won. It's that's just reality. Right? That's how it is. Now. What you see in teams is people often [00:34:00] start judging. Stop blaming and worrying about own job security and all this stuff.

What we are demonstrating to you is all of that. The why th th the, the, the winery, or first of all, the judgment of how the hell did we get here, whose fault is it? And the worrying about the implications, all of that is wasted energy to take it further. Dale Carnegie will. I propose that's poisonous, poisonous to you and to your peers.

So what's really interesting. We talked about living in the day, compartments, the worst that can happen, purging yourself of this. It is so critical to just be able to accept where you are. The beauty is in the second half of the show. We're going to talk about once you're there, we'll tell you how you can build up from that, how you can actually get things going in a really constructive and positive way.

But for me, this is like, just if said differently, it's like get over it. Right. It's just [00:35:00] that we're in the situation. Let's get over that let's move forward. I mean, so good. Just get over it accepted and move on. And this next clip that we've got, Mike is Brian Johnson once more. And he's now taking us that little step further thinking around identifying your triggers and also identifying your behavior and interpretation when things go wrong.

So taking us from accepting what's around us. And again, when you notice things, just say, okay, well that's, that's okay. Not great, but it's all right. I will still live. So this next clip that we've got about mindset from Brian Johnson optimized is how to not cry over spilled milk case. Don't cry over spilled milk, which is very similar to the idea of loving what is.

And, um, being willing to have it. So you can't do anything about it. If you've spilled milk, you've spilled milk. There's nothing you're going to do to change the fact that you've spilled it. And in my own life, I've found that it's like I'm developing a filter and the things that [00:36:00] I just don't have any control over no longer trigger me quite as much.

It's an awesome thing to see. I still get triggered of course, but it's awesome to see while I can't do anything about that. It makes no sense for me to get all pissy about it. It's really empowering. So if you can't do something about it, like spilt milk, don't worry about it. Accept it. Then take action.

I'm repeating myself deliberately here. Yeah. So a couple of things, there were not, obviously, you know, I was talking earlier like, You could sit around crying that the, that the project or whatever, or your, your sports team is not doing well, but it's such wasted energy. Isn't it Mark. Like what's there to gain.

There's a, the only thing you gain is the anxiety and the, and the yeah. The worry and the ability to be inefficient. Yeah. Yeah. That's what you do gain. Yeah. That's what you, but what's interesting. I think if you practice this enough and just saying, all right, we are where we are. Let's not bother with the finger [00:37:00] pointing.

Um, you know, the interesting thing is, is that you can, and Brian alluded to this, you can start to catch yourself when you are crying over spilled milk. When you are judging others, when you are, uh, experiencing some, uh, trigger for like things. Aren't great. And part of this comes back to the bigger idea.

You've got to embrace discomfort. And I think it becomes a lot easier not to cry over the spilt milk when you're just like, great, you know, things are a bit wobbly, but we're trying to do something special here. Um, so this is probably net net. This is all a good thing. You know, Jeff Bezos has this great quote that if you're not upsetting some people, then you're probably not working hard enough.

And, you know, there's, it's this idea of like, well, If, if you're not having experiencing some failure, are you really trying to do something that's particularly challenging? Right. If it's all going well, then that for me is also, is equally a bigger warning sign because, well [00:38:00] then is this too easy? Have we chosen the right challenge?

Why is this all too good? Right. And that's a really interesting if you actually engineer. So to be like, Zaha is like the more, more challenges I faced, the stronger I get. I mean, that's how you start reading, getting out of this, isn't it exactly. Rather than crying over something that's pretty irrelevant, you know, crying over spilled milk or the shirt short term reaction that maybe you've got from, uh, a customer or whoever it might be instead when you focus on, Hey, okay, well, what am I working towards?

What am I creating? Well, part of the resilience I'm getting from those challenges of working remotely. Working from home working long hours, whatever it is that us and our listeners have, you know, started to maybe experience over the past few years, month, whatever it might be. Those are opportunities.

Aren't there, Mike, to become that little bit stronger and more. Resilient [00:39:00] against those challenges and against those moments of discomfort. Yep. It's funny. As you were telling me, I was just having such a, um, Satya Nadella flashback. I mean, this is the growth mindset, isn't it? I mean, the first half of the show is just, okay, here we go.

Um, you got to stop with that wearing stuff. Cause it's pretty nasty on the buddy and like go into the Valley of darkness, ask what's the worst that can happen. You know, purge yourself of all these negative thoughts, put it in a box, put in a component, put it behind the steel door and just accept where things are and be careful not to get triggered.

Cause there's a lot of things happening. Know that you can respond, have self-awareness as such that you can catch yourself worrying. And then go put a bright back in that box. That is that first half of the show. Mark crikey. That's a great foundation that we can build on in this time as classic series.

Yeah. It's something I'm not crying about and that's all the wonderful feedback we've had the [00:40:00] last couple of weeks. I mean, it's been so, so cool. We have seen, um, We're we're really are welcoming a bunch of, uh, new listeners to the show. It's been wonderful to see a huge new community of listeners joining us from the Philippines, the LZs in South Africans.

They've been having their espresso and tuning into the podcast. That's for sure. And I love, um, to see countries like we're seeing a lot of listeners from Malaysia, uh, the Portuguese, uh, India, Denmark. I mean, wow. I mean, there's just a great eclectic bunch of moonshiners who all want to learn out loud and be the best version of themselves as pretty.

Yeah, it's, it's pretty nice in the time when we can't travel around the different countries ourselves, Mike, it's great to not only see. Us appearing in the charts and there's different countries. It's also great when our listeners get in touch with us [00:41:00] and we got this great message from Rachel Shah, from Kenya greetings Rasool who, uh, gave us some great positive feedback on a very, very popular VIM Hoff episodes that we've done is that the most disruptive show we've ever done, I can't believe how many people have embraced cold showers and deeper in this first clip today.

The connection between mindset and body is just such a kind of an elemental. Consideration, isn't it. I think that's why VIM Hoff becomes such an attractive gateway and it's, it's, it's wonderful to hear from you, Rachel. We love hearing from our listeners and I kind of feel like you and I, Mike, we've been on a, on a trip.

We've met our friends in Kenya and we've started spreading that moonshot lesson. Yeah. And you've, you've been, you've had a lot of, uh, we've had a lot of males, email and contact with listens to the last weeks. A lot of great suggestions. Um, some of them, uh, [00:42:00] I actually, uh, don't even know that the people like, um, let's see here, we had, uh, phenomena, Mutesi a chess player.

That was a suggestion from, um, Rodrigo in, in Munich. Um, and others obviously more familiar with Georgia Lucas and even people like Lawrence Levy who I've actually met. Um, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So what an amazing, uh, List that he sent us in suggestions. That was very cool. Yeah. Thanks for Rodrigo. Always keeping us, um, inspired and then providing great suggestions.

So thank you. Keep, keep them coming. Um, now, if people are interested in sending us their thoughts, Mark, there's a little place on the internet that they can, correct. There's a little destination that all of our listeners can go and check out, which is www dot moonshots dot I O N on moonshots that I O listeners, you will find our latest [00:43:00] episodes.

You'll find links to our show documents, where you can find the clips as well as sometimes additional documents that might be specific to that innovator or that lesson that we've been learning from. Hey, don't forget, you can get transcripts, right? You can get transcripts. If you just want to really dig into the lessons that Mike and I are discussing, it's like a moonshots festival all there@moonshots.io.

Isn't it? I mean, it's like more moonshots than you could possibly take. Exactly. But if you really do want more, you can get in touch with us either via our feedback button that's on the homepage, or send us an email at. Hello at moonshots dot I. Hmm. Okay. All right. Do you feel Mark that we are ready for the home stretch because we've talked so much about this mindset.

You can't cry over spilled milk. You got to go to the Valley of darkness. What's the worst that can happen. I feel like we've got, we've got space and time for, [00:44:00] for, for a Brian Johnson to talk us through this great book from Dale Carnegie, how to stop worrying and start living. So how are we going to bring this one home Mark?

Well, as you say, we've learned a lot about mindset and things that we can remember. So now let's hear from Brian Johnson once more optimal, tell us about four steps to making a decision and how we can take action to make a decision. And then the rocket, he says that when he's stressed, Right. He finds that when he makes a decision, he gets clear on all the different options that are available to him.

What's going on, what stressing himself out. And then he makes a decision, just making a clear decision, relieves about 50% of the anxiety, intention and worry. And then when he starts taking action to deal with whatever it is, he's decided to do another 40% of the stress goes away. He's dealt with 90% of his stress just by making a clear decision and taking action [00:45:00] to deal with it.

Really big idea. So in the note I talk about that. I say, okay, what's stressing you out right now. Identify one thing. That's stressing you out. And then what can you do? Note a few different things you could do about it, right? And then what will you do? Step three. What will you do? So step number one is what's stressing you out.

Step number two is what can you do about it? What are all the things you can do about it? Step number three is what will you do about it? Right. Make the decision to do something about it. Then step four is do it, try it out and see if you don't reduce 90% of your stress just by getting clear on what you can do, making a decision, and then taking action.

Really big idea on how to stop worrying and start living. Look, the therapy of taking action can not, cannot be an over overestimated. It is, um, quite frankly, taking action is so soothing, such a [00:46:00] welcome feeling like, ah, this thing has really been bugging me. I have a clear path. I hang it. It's made up of five steps.

I'm going to do this today, that tomorrow, et cetera, et cetera. The relief Mark. I mean, I just felt relieved. Listening, listening to the clip. Didn't you? You know, I did as well. I mean, for me, my, the. If I step away from the, uh, the darkness for a moment and the worst case scenario, I find that actually this approach still works on a more day-to-day, um, action led situation.

For example, if I know that I've got something hanging over my head, maybe it's not causing me total worry or total anxiety, I can still use those steps to get to a point of feeling relief, you know? Right. I need to go and create a proposal, or I need to create a response to something. It might [00:47:00] not be the worst case, but it's still something that might be causing me just a little bit of, it might be a little bit of a Pang, a little bit of, uh, an anxiety or stress in the background, I think.

Okay. Well, let me just put down my first thoughts. Let's build a skeleton or a one pager. I'll put it down. I'll name the beast. Maybe in fact, Mike, it could be me purging and popping something down. I might come back to it. I might come back to it tomorrow and realize I had no idea what I was talking about, but just the first step or as Brian says, taking action and doing something about it, relieves that little Pang that needs that little bit of stress.

So I don't want to steal too much from the future books in this series, but a big part of this is when you can say, okay, I might have five steps of taking action. All right. So overall resolving, this is made up of five steps, but you've made a plan that today you're going to do step on when you get to the end [00:48:00] of today and you've completed.

Step one. If you are aware enough, you can truly feel not only relief, but also. I kind of a mild sense of satisfaction. Hey, you know, I set out today to do step one and I did it. And that's as much as I can do today, accepting that you did your best today, and there's nothing more to do today. I think this sets you up for a little bit of space.

You've put it in a compartment and more practically speaking to bring this back to the body. If there's something really big going on and you're dealing with it, you want to get a good night's sleep and there's nothing worse than stress and worry preventing you from getting a good night's sleep. So if you can get this ritual of, Hey, I did step one.

I need to go, but I've done. Step one. That was my best effort. I think this is a huge part of living more [00:49:00] comfortably with challenge. Dare I say, this is how you can embrace challenge. Yeah. And I'd like to build on the good sleep reference, Mike, because you you're totally right by, by accepting the situation and taking that first step, that bit of action, making that decision and going to do something about it.

I, in my experience, it removes that energetic mind you have when you're trying to sleep know for me, it manifests itself. Not only in that, that kind of, not that we talking about from a physical perspective on your body, but also almost a, not in your mind, you know, it's an obsession, a good analogy when you think about right.

Very good. And when you then begin to purge, when you begin to put it into an action list, I think that's how it then starts to dispel and you can go and have a [00:50:00] productive, restful night's sleep or a productive meeting. You know, remember that again, in my experience, anxiety is pretty distracting. It can stop you being able to focus on other things in your day and become less efficient.

You can perhaps even damage some of the other work that you might be doing and only by identifying it and accepting it taking action. Can you hope to enable yourself at coping and balancing that other work in a more productive way? I think, yeah. You know, the, the, to bring this back to Ryan holiday, I can't believe we haven't talked about Ryan holiday, this entire show, but I want to draw a line between Dale Carnegie's work, how to stop wearing and the work of Ryan holiday, um, you know, stoicism.

Really does understand this fundamental truth that the obstacle is the way, right? And [00:51:00] everything that blocks you is your ego and your mind and so forth. I think the way in which taking action is very stoic, Ryan holiday would be in his element right now, is that you might not be responsible for the situation.

You might not be the main culprit in creating the problem or the challenge or whatever. However, don't get caught up in all of that. We explored that in the first half of the show accepting or so very stoic, but here's where we're getting super stoic focus on what you control. And that's the path towards action.

Doing things is what you control. And this is where it's very stoic. So the empowerment, the good feeling, good night's sleep is all on the other side, you know, Hey, we're in a crap situation, it sucks, but I'm doing the best I can do every single [00:52:00] day step-by-step to resolve this situation. And you know what, that's the best I can do.

This is what I control the broader geopolitical crazy COVID world that we live in. I don't show that, but I control my response. And the more we focus there on how we run sponsor the world. And if you want to focus on how you respond, you need to start with how you perceive the world. I E the first half of this show.

So it's all about, Hey, you know what challenges, but you know what I'm doing, the things I can do within my world. For example, if you're really, really kind of anxious about the climate, right? Well, take action. Make your house. Uh, a, a net zero carbon producer go and get solar recycle, make better decisions on what you buy and how you live.

Those are the things you control. So you don't have to worry about the bigger picture because Hey, listen, you know, you can't [00:53:00] fly up in the air and suck all the carbon out, focus on what you control. I think this is very, very stoic, very powerful and such a, a comprehensive body of work. It's it's so, so good.

And it's crazy Mark, 1948, this was written and people are so inspired. They're making videos and look even you and I are sitting here talking about it and we couldn't be bigger advocates for this book to our listeners. Could we? No, I, I totally agree. And, and something to remember, you know, in 1948, that's three years after world war two.

Yeah. It's the perfect, uh, I think connection that we can make with, with us and our listeners is. Yeah. Had a, a climate culture and economy that all was suffering from this, this war it's unimaginable. What and what perfect timing, um, you know, by Dale Carnegie to bring out this book and, and help those individuals who were worrying and still [00:54:00] anxious right.

From all of that. And you're totally right, Mike, just to build on that stoic connection, that perceiving what you can control, how I can go out and action. It that's that practical element. Isn't it? That, that real foundation that I can actually go and do something about it, uh, in my own world, again, it's, it's seems so simple, doesn't it?

Yeah. I think that the complexity is in the discipline to do it every day. Yeah. That's what I think. What do you reckon? I think the practice you're right. It's the practice of writing it down of purging, as you say, I'm going to start stealing that word. I think, um, And thinking, okay, well, what can I do?

What is the beast? What can I name it? And how can I break it down in something that, that I can actually go and do something about? Yeah. And what I love is that we have one clip to kind of put this all a little bit in perspective because you know, the funny thing about worry is it kind of consumes you, [00:55:00] doesn't it, you know, like you, you kind of almost you're so in it that you don't even know that you're doing it.

Does that make any sense? Yeah, it's definitely, definitely something I can experience you can't really can, you can control how you react to it, but sometimes you don't even notice that you're doing it. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, this last clip is, is really challenging us a little bit to kind of be self-aware, uh, you know, to, um, look at ourselves with a bit of distance and perspective and to ask the question how much, you know, this is, this is a big one.

How much is your worry really worth? Put a stop loss order on worry. A stop-loss order is a way to limit your financial downside in the stock market. If a stock goes below a certain dollar value, you cut your losses and get out before the stock goes any lower. This limits your max loss. It basically stops the bleeding.

Now this idea can be applied to worry and other negative [00:56:00] feelings as well. You put a stop loss order on any kind of worry, annoyance, anger, and resentment that comes to you. Let's say you're worrying about something. How long will you worry about that? One thing? How much does that thing really matter to you in the grand scheme of things?

How much does it really matter? How much will it matter tomorrow or next month or in five years as Dale Carnegie stated? At what point shall I put a stop loss order on this worry and forget it, decide how much worried and anxiety something is worth and absolutely refuse to give it any more than that.

By giving yourself boundaries, let's say limiting your worrying to five minutes or an hour. On a particular issue and then sticking to that, you're giving yourself a sense of control and authority over the worry. Usually worry, runs rampant and unchecked, which is why it eats away at us. You probably never told yourself you're only going to allow yourself to worry about something for 10 minutes.

And then after that, you have to get to work on the issue or move on. It's such a [00:57:00] simple, yet effective solution to limit the endless cycle of worrying when thinking of what the stop-loss limit should be for something, keep the law of averages in mind. 90% of the things you worry about will never happen.

So would that law of averages in mind, ask yourself the following question. What are the chances that this thing I'm worrying about will ever occur? 90% won't happen? I mean, when you do take a step back and consider. You know that law of average, it's just so low and it does, it makes you, makes you laugh.

What I, what I think is really powerful in an addition to the clips that we've heard today, Mike, again, it's a great practical tip and it's something that I'm going to give a go. I'm going to give it a go give, putting a time limit of fixed time, limit on worry, thinking about and giving my self authority over that unpredictable item and think, okay, well, I'll worry about it, then I'll stop it.

Then [00:58:00] I'll go out and take action. You know, I think that's a great build on what we were talking about when the journaling, the purging Brian's yes. Action list. I mean, you're exactly right, Mark. I mean, what we just heard then in that clear is how much is it worth? It's like, okay. Like entertain it for a very limited amount of time, but then.

Basically, what we heard then was ask yourself what the worst can happen, except it put it in a compartment behind the steel door and get the hell over it. It just is, as it is. And don't go crying about it. Let's crack on. I mean, and I think the self-awareness here is we can find ourselves worrying for days or weeks.

I mean, how many times do you speak to friends? And the thing that they're worrying about, they were worrying about the last time you talked. If anything, I'd find, when I catch myself doing it, I find it a bit tedious. I'm kind of almost bored of my own [00:59:00] voice. You're bored of the worry. It looks worried. I'm so sick of you.

Could you like get the hell out of my head? Exactly. I'm bored of that worry. Well, Mike, do you think we've, we've given, uh, each other. The means to get, uh, this, get rid of this poison, right. To, to release ourselves of this, this mine running rampant. Yeah. I think for me the biggest lesson I'm taking away from show 119 Dale, Carnegie's how to stop worrying.

Start living is the air tight compartments. Yeah. You know, Putting it into your journal, putting it into a method or means to, uh, compartmentalize it accepted, maybe come back to it or look at it, but, and create a boundary around it then enables you to go out and live in the day to day and to take action that's for me, I mean, what a, what a great tip any you're looking forward to [01:00:00] the remainder of the series, because we're going to get into a lot more dimensions than just worry you feel ready and raring to go.

I can't wait to get into how to win friends and influence people. Another Dale Carnegie. I can't wait to get into the seven habits of highly effective people by Stephen Covey and to finish it off. I mean, you've made a couple of references today. Mike, two tolls. You know the power of now that's going to be a great bookend.

Oh, well remember, we're going to start Carol at the end though. Of course we are, but, but let me just set this up. Okay. Here we are. We're an hour into the show. So this is for the hardcore Moonshadows guys, gals. If you want to explore what you could be, what your potential really is, then it lays in the book power of now I cannot recommend it enough, but you have to be, you have to be ready.

Right. Um, so we've started pretty good stop the worrying, but we are going to go all the way [01:01:00] to the power of now, which is explores the utmost, uh, the peaks of your own personal potential. Um, and it will, if you're open and ready for it, the power of now will be transformative. It is, uh, it's a top 10 for sure.

I can't wait. I've already got it on my, a Kindle. I'm aware of it, Mike, but I'm going to revisit it, dude. Just, just go there just to go there. All right. Mark Pearson Freeland. Thank you. Thank you for, uh, guiding me through this journey into the world of Dale Carnegie and how to stop worrying and start living and what a book it was.

So moonshot is, have we heard what Dale Carnegie was telling us today? It started with an emphatic stop. Wiring don't let the mind go crazy. And the way, and the [01:02:00] place that we begin is with mindset. We have to ask ourselves, what is the worst that can happen. We have to take that nasty, nasty, evil, negative thoughts down there in the Valley of diarrhea, the absolute worst that can, it happened, and we need to go and we need to put it in a compartment behind the steel doors, and we need to prepare paired to say it is so to accept it and to avoid.

Those bad behaviors, bad habits of crying over spilled milk. This is the path to stop worrying. So where do we start? We identify what's stressing us out, what you can do with it, what you will do. And finally, how you're going to get it done. You're going to just like Nike do it because in the end of the day, there's a question that you must answer, which is how much is your worry really worth.

And if you answer this and if you take the empowerment, if you take the very stoic [01:03:00] nature of taking the best action you can today, there's one thing for sure. Thanks to Dell Carnegie, you will truly start living. Alright. That's the moonshots podcast. That's a wrap.